Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Signs
2 of my lovely online friends had told me that this was a perfect time to chronicle the journey so far. Today i got one of those weekly updates from what to expect saying absolutely the same thing ! :) So, I am gonna take this as a sign and do exactly that.
I am still making up my mind in terms of what is TMI and what isn't, so pliss to bear. And yes, there will be a dear baby post soon :)
I am still making up my mind in terms of what is TMI and what isn't, so pliss to bear. And yes, there will be a dear baby post soon :)
Sunday, December 06, 2009
It happens only in India !
Our office has this strange rule of checking people's laptop bags in the morning as you enter the premises. Its strange for reasons ranging from the fact that the security has no clue what they are really looking for, to that most companies that I know frisk people when they leave the premises not while entering :)) So its more like we don't care what you carry out of here, but just be careful of what u r getting in :P
Of course they started this tradition after the bangalore bomb blasts incidents sometime back. Now, I think somewhere the security team kinda lost track of what was the original intention, with security guard looking at my small hand sanitizer bottle and asking me "what ees this madam ?". I mean what did they really think it was ??
Anyhoo I digress... Soo, as gender sensitive the company is, we have female security guards as well.. This sweet lady today morning while doing her monotonous chore of opening my lappy bag and taking a peek inside, thought it was totally ok for her to give me health tips :)
Opens my bag and instead of looking into the bag, looks at my ever growing tummy and tells me that I should drink a glass of warm water with salt in the night before sleeping !! (!!).
Aside from the fact that I don't think she even looked at the insides of my bag, zip off - zip on, the tip didnt make much sense either. :p
But as I am slowly begining to get used to these random happenings now a days, I graciously thank her for the tip and proceed to the elevator ...
Of course they started this tradition after the bangalore bomb blasts incidents sometime back. Now, I think somewhere the security team kinda lost track of what was the original intention, with security guard looking at my small hand sanitizer bottle and asking me "what ees this madam ?". I mean what did they really think it was ??
Anyhoo I digress... Soo, as gender sensitive the company is, we have female security guards as well.. This sweet lady today morning while doing her monotonous chore of opening my lappy bag and taking a peek inside, thought it was totally ok for her to give me health tips :)
Opens my bag and instead of looking into the bag, looks at my ever growing tummy and tells me that I should drink a glass of warm water with salt in the night before sleeping !! (!!).
Aside from the fact that I don't think she even looked at the insides of my bag, zip off - zip on, the tip didnt make much sense either. :p
But as I am slowly begining to get used to these random happenings now a days, I graciously thank her for the tip and proceed to the elevator ...
Friday, December 04, 2009
I admit..
that I suck at social relationships.. and I just dont get along very well with other women !
ps: This is a self realization that has been long coming .. sigh...
ps: This is a self realization that has been long coming .. sigh...
Thursday, December 03, 2009
The secret society
Just happened to watch Oprah today on the hallmark, "The truth about motherhood" special and I said to myself, this is it ! This is what I was searching for. There were people who actually felt that there is a secret society of motherhood out there who are sworn to secrecy by the brethren. They all know what it entails, the highs and lows. They know what to watch out for and more importantly they know what was not told to them by the women around with best interests, best friends, awesome moms (in law). But they don't seem to propagate that pool of information !
Of course the alternate theory that I have is that they have absolute temporary amnesia (something that lasts from the time, the test is +ve to when the kid is about 2) !
For the most parts the show was about experience of motherhood, which I can't really comment about, I still have 6 more weeks to go (almost there !). But the general consensus was that as a clan, we need to prepare our fellow members on what to expect truly and be honest, really honest about how it may not be so rosy after all ..
But here's a show where people are at least acknowledging the fact that there are tons of things that people, ahem women, never tell you about ! Maybe for good, as it may really turn you into a paranoid creature from hell or convince you to continue that pill that you were almost gonna stop :P
Anyways, it has me convinced that women either feel bad about talking about the things that they struggle with (probably coz we traditionally don't like to think that motherhood can be so daunting or that some of us actually struggle to get it right, or worse, some of us dont actually get it !), Or that after the baby comes, they are so much in awe of all the changes including the lovely being in front of them, that somehow magically everything else fades into the background.
I am not sure exactly what the reason is, I think I have spoken to people of all sorts in the last 7 odd months (amazing how it seems almost natural to reach out to other preggo women or women with infants and share things so openly, that you wouldn't even dream of otherwise !). E.g.
1. Women who actually claimed to sleepwalk during the entire 9 months of pregnancy - I mean, come on ? Were u on grass the whole time? How can you actually say that it was all a daze ? Well, I don't actually doubt them coz they don't seem to remember a single negative incident or experience during that time. Everything based on all evidence was a smooth roll. I doubt the very judgement of some people having such blessed lives !
2. Women who gush from the very moment who announce that they are having a baby till the time, they actually display the aforementioned baby - How is so much gushing possible ? As a couple, between us, I don't think we have so much of cumulative gush capacity. And from the first day onwards, they sort of make a promise to themselves that they are gonna be the epitome of supreme motherhood. Who will remain cheerful and take everything in their stride.
When my home kit turned positive, i called hubby to say - "You know what, the test is positive" in the most sombre tone (please note, not I am pregnant or we are having a baby, woohooo ! But the test was positive). Darling hubby believe it or not actually says - "Umm.. am in a meeting, can I call you back ?" Thats our gushing quotient for you ! Not that we are not happy or very excited at the prospect, we are ! Just that we just don't seem to have the gushing capability as some. This ones since then become a long standing joke and has gone into our baby's book as well. God bless the kid :).
3. Women who say "when the baby comes, you will forget everything and nothing else will matter " - I am almost willing to give the benefit of doubt here coz maybe they just got so completely steamrolled that everything did fade in to the background. But when you look back at it, at least then you should be able to remember the testing times right ? Whats your excuse then missy ?
4. An alternate version of the above where women say "When the baby comes, you will know exactly what to do" - Really ? How , magic ? I think more than the fact that mommies all around kinda get this magical mommy ability to do things, its the other way around. The babies actually get used to whatever we dole out as maternal instincts.. I am sure the wailing, colicky baby after 2 hours is like - Ok so that's your solution ? I guess I will just have to make do with it and out of sheer exhaustion, just stops bawling its heart out ! The poor mother at which point is busy celebrating her maternal instincts victory.
5. The one who does and feels as per the book - There is this friend of mine who wallows in the warmth of maternal feelings. She is a mature and a super intelligent woman, but when it comes to babies, she actually has said things like "After 9 months of carrying and nurturing the baby, I wanted to feel the pain of childbirth" (??!!), Maybe its just me, but I find it very difficult to understand or digest these kind of statements. Who willingly asks for pain ? She did go thru it mind you, valiantly as well. Full 11 hours of labour. I do want to believe that i super love the baby inside of me to bits, but do i really crave the feeling of labour ? As much as its a natural process, I don't think so ! It frightens the bejesus out of me ..
Before anybody else from the mommy brigade jumps on me, pliss to note that I do acknowledge that maybe its just me !
6. The ones who have an opinion about everything (and do not hesitate to share unsolicited opinions) - So annoying isn't it ! You don;t have a baby yet? You havent taken off from work yet ? You haven't bought any baby books ? You actually like ultrasounds ? You have a preference of gender ? You bought the baby stuff so soon ? You are planning to be a working mom ? aww.. the list is endless.. Why don't we display some kind of solidarity here ? I mean we all go thru our own set of challenges, why then don't we stop judging other women and just be supportive ?
7. The ha ha ones - You know these are the ones who always leave ha ha messages for you on chats/ facebook etc.. Haha you better shop while u can, soon you will not be able to budge from that room ! Haha you miss sleep now, wait till the max you can sleep at a stretch is 45 mins :P Haha, you sucker you, think that baby of yours is gonna be nice and quiet and sleep thru the nite, it will wreak havoc in your life and u will just feel like killing yourself ! (ok, no one actually said the last one, but some of them sort of hinted it :p). But I will give them some credit because in their own ways, they acknowledge that they didnt have it so easy as well :)
But more importantly, why don't we share the scary things and talk about the gross stuff, the depressing stuff, the infuriating stuff, the one from the blue stuff ? The ones that really really prepares us for whats to come ahead ...
Of course the alternate theory that I have is that they have absolute temporary amnesia (something that lasts from the time, the test is +ve to when the kid is about 2) !
For the most parts the show was about experience of motherhood, which I can't really comment about, I still have 6 more weeks to go (almost there !). But the general consensus was that as a clan, we need to prepare our fellow members on what to expect truly and be honest, really honest about how it may not be so rosy after all ..
But here's a show where people are at least acknowledging the fact that there are tons of things that people, ahem women, never tell you about ! Maybe for good, as it may really turn you into a paranoid creature from hell or convince you to continue that pill that you were almost gonna stop :P
Anyways, it has me convinced that women either feel bad about talking about the things that they struggle with (probably coz we traditionally don't like to think that motherhood can be so daunting or that some of us actually struggle to get it right, or worse, some of us dont actually get it !), Or that after the baby comes, they are so much in awe of all the changes including the lovely being in front of them, that somehow magically everything else fades into the background.
I am not sure exactly what the reason is, I think I have spoken to people of all sorts in the last 7 odd months (amazing how it seems almost natural to reach out to other preggo women or women with infants and share things so openly, that you wouldn't even dream of otherwise !). E.g.
1. Women who actually claimed to sleepwalk during the entire 9 months of pregnancy - I mean, come on ? Were u on grass the whole time? How can you actually say that it was all a daze ? Well, I don't actually doubt them coz they don't seem to remember a single negative incident or experience during that time. Everything based on all evidence was a smooth roll. I doubt the very judgement of some people having such blessed lives !
2. Women who gush from the very moment who announce that they are having a baby till the time, they actually display the aforementioned baby - How is so much gushing possible ? As a couple, between us, I don't think we have so much of cumulative gush capacity. And from the first day onwards, they sort of make a promise to themselves that they are gonna be the epitome of supreme motherhood. Who will remain cheerful and take everything in their stride.
When my home kit turned positive, i called hubby to say - "You know what, the test is positive" in the most sombre tone (please note, not I am pregnant or we are having a baby, woohooo ! But the test was positive). Darling hubby believe it or not actually says - "Umm.. am in a meeting, can I call you back ?" Thats our gushing quotient for you ! Not that we are not happy or very excited at the prospect, we are ! Just that we just don't seem to have the gushing capability as some. This ones since then become a long standing joke and has gone into our baby's book as well. God bless the kid :).
3. Women who say "when the baby comes, you will forget everything and nothing else will matter " - I am almost willing to give the benefit of doubt here coz maybe they just got so completely steamrolled that everything did fade in to the background. But when you look back at it, at least then you should be able to remember the testing times right ? Whats your excuse then missy ?
4. An alternate version of the above where women say "When the baby comes, you will know exactly what to do" - Really ? How , magic ? I think more than the fact that mommies all around kinda get this magical mommy ability to do things, its the other way around. The babies actually get used to whatever we dole out as maternal instincts.. I am sure the wailing, colicky baby after 2 hours is like - Ok so that's your solution ? I guess I will just have to make do with it and out of sheer exhaustion, just stops bawling its heart out ! The poor mother at which point is busy celebrating her maternal instincts victory.
5. The one who does and feels as per the book - There is this friend of mine who wallows in the warmth of maternal feelings. She is a mature and a super intelligent woman, but when it comes to babies, she actually has said things like "After 9 months of carrying and nurturing the baby, I wanted to feel the pain of childbirth" (??!!), Maybe its just me, but I find it very difficult to understand or digest these kind of statements. Who willingly asks for pain ? She did go thru it mind you, valiantly as well. Full 11 hours of labour. I do want to believe that i super love the baby inside of me to bits, but do i really crave the feeling of labour ? As much as its a natural process, I don't think so ! It frightens the bejesus out of me ..
Before anybody else from the mommy brigade jumps on me, pliss to note that I do acknowledge that maybe its just me !
6. The ones who have an opinion about everything (and do not hesitate to share unsolicited opinions) - So annoying isn't it ! You don;t have a baby yet? You havent taken off from work yet ? You haven't bought any baby books ? You actually like ultrasounds ? You have a preference of gender ? You bought the baby stuff so soon ? You are planning to be a working mom ? aww.. the list is endless.. Why don't we display some kind of solidarity here ? I mean we all go thru our own set of challenges, why then don't we stop judging other women and just be supportive ?
7. The ha ha ones - You know these are the ones who always leave ha ha messages for you on chats/ facebook etc.. Haha you better shop while u can, soon you will not be able to budge from that room ! Haha you miss sleep now, wait till the max you can sleep at a stretch is 45 mins :P Haha, you sucker you, think that baby of yours is gonna be nice and quiet and sleep thru the nite, it will wreak havoc in your life and u will just feel like killing yourself ! (ok, no one actually said the last one, but some of them sort of hinted it :p). But I will give them some credit because in their own ways, they acknowledge that they didnt have it so easy as well :)
But more importantly, why don't we share the scary things and talk about the gross stuff, the depressing stuff, the infuriating stuff, the one from the blue stuff ? The ones that really really prepares us for whats to come ahead ...
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Missed Happy Budday only !
I just realized that the 5 year mark for this blog came and went without me having an inkling of the same ! Sheesh, how could I have let that happen, shame only !!
Started this blog July of 2004 and look how far we have come baby :) I may not be as regular as I would like to be, but still it gives me a warm an cuddly feeling that I have this to vent when I have nothing else :))
It has been a pleasure and I am extremely grateful for the few who actually follow this (that goes for the 3 of you :p). Please do continue to pour in your encouragements and who knows, with my impending holidays, ok damn baby break, I may just get back to regularity with an added fury :)
Happy belated Budday dear bloggie :))
Started this blog July of 2004 and look how far we have come baby :) I may not be as regular as I would like to be, but still it gives me a warm an cuddly feeling that I have this to vent when I have nothing else :))
It has been a pleasure and I am extremely grateful for the few who actually follow this (that goes for the 3 of you :p). Please do continue to pour in your encouragements and who knows, with my impending holidays, ok damn baby break, I may just get back to regularity with an added fury :)
Happy belated Budday dear bloggie :))
Introspection time ..
The lingering worry now a days in my head is about what kind of parents would we be. And as all worries in my head go, they start with the germ of an idea and extrapolate themselves into an all consuming frenzy.
Both hubs an me like to watch tv, ok let me rephrase that, we both love to vegetate in front of the tv. I have often caught him sit in front of the tv with eyes glazing over and him not really watching anything ! But thats his way of relaxing after a long days work. And the number of times, i sit in front of the TV but do my own thing (like surfing or chatting) is beyond counting. I guess we both like the idea of the TV being on. And when we do actually watch it, I find that we have this immense capacity to actually watch any rubbish. I think TV channels are thriving coz of people with very low expectations like us :) TMZ, showbiz tonight, American choppers, crappy sitcoms, anything at all !!
How are we going to discipline a kid when we have such low concepts of TV watching ourselves not to mention insane addiction to it ? Worst of all, how the hell are we gonna stop ourselves from watching all of our usual nonsense to avoid undue influence on the kid.. I mean i know I have a dedicated nursery and all, but I seriously doubt if Tingu's gonna entertain our deluded ideas of "yeah, the baby will play in the baby;s room, where else !"
It scares me to no extent.. I like to live my lofty notions that I have an idea about how I want my kid to grow up. Well.. ummm.. the notion is fine but I think i will soon have the face the realization that I don't quite know how I will get that to happen.
We are both from simple middle class families with very similar upbringing. We have had to struggle in our own ways and things that were out of reach of our parents were simply forgone with no questions asked. Our grown up lives are different now, and with the kind of life style/ careers/ education, I think we have transcended to a different socio economic demography different from our parents. Now we spend without any questions asked. And since we can, we rarely would like to forgo anything at all. So, we spend with added zeal !
The frugality of a middle class existence may have been drudgy at that point, but I think they had a good part in life lessons learnt. How the hell do we teach similar things to the kid when we ourselves do not like to compromise anymore ! Impulsive splurging on holidays taken at the drop of the hat or new car accessories have become a norm and we brush it away saying we live only once, why not !
How are we going to teach a kid value of money and that things will not come by when we want it ? Or even worse, that you dont always get what you want..(when each day in our live is exactly the opposite, the pursuit of getting exactly what we want!)
How do you teach the value of disappointments, trials and failures when your generation itself is not very adept at dealing with it ? I hate disappointments, I do.. I have always done that since childhood. I take it to extremes where I dont venture into things that i am either not confident about or know that I am not good at ranging from sports to new initiatives. I just dont like to fail. So, I would rather just stick to things that I am good at.
What kind of a teaching is that to a kid ?
How do you teach the value of money and saving when you yourself don't quite practice that ? :) And this is funny especially because my mom has been repeating this sentence like a parrot for the last 10 years ever since I started working ! I dont think most of people in my age bracket really save up money before buying something or plan for it beforehand. We first buy and then we plan to accommodate that cost in our lives.. If we don't have ready cash, we do overdrafts, credit cards, EMI's... there are many ways to do it :))
They say that you usually know whats the right thing to do when u have a kid.. i doubt the very concept of it, but for the sake of my sanity, I really hope thats true..
Both hubs an me like to watch tv, ok let me rephrase that, we both love to vegetate in front of the tv. I have often caught him sit in front of the tv with eyes glazing over and him not really watching anything ! But thats his way of relaxing after a long days work. And the number of times, i sit in front of the TV but do my own thing (like surfing or chatting) is beyond counting. I guess we both like the idea of the TV being on. And when we do actually watch it, I find that we have this immense capacity to actually watch any rubbish. I think TV channels are thriving coz of people with very low expectations like us :) TMZ, showbiz tonight, American choppers, crappy sitcoms, anything at all !!
How are we going to discipline a kid when we have such low concepts of TV watching ourselves not to mention insane addiction to it ? Worst of all, how the hell are we gonna stop ourselves from watching all of our usual nonsense to avoid undue influence on the kid.. I mean i know I have a dedicated nursery and all, but I seriously doubt if Tingu's gonna entertain our deluded ideas of "yeah, the baby will play in the baby;s room, where else !"
It scares me to no extent.. I like to live my lofty notions that I have an idea about how I want my kid to grow up. Well.. ummm.. the notion is fine but I think i will soon have the face the realization that I don't quite know how I will get that to happen.
We are both from simple middle class families with very similar upbringing. We have had to struggle in our own ways and things that were out of reach of our parents were simply forgone with no questions asked. Our grown up lives are different now, and with the kind of life style/ careers/ education, I think we have transcended to a different socio economic demography different from our parents. Now we spend without any questions asked. And since we can, we rarely would like to forgo anything at all. So, we spend with added zeal !
The frugality of a middle class existence may have been drudgy at that point, but I think they had a good part in life lessons learnt. How the hell do we teach similar things to the kid when we ourselves do not like to compromise anymore ! Impulsive splurging on holidays taken at the drop of the hat or new car accessories have become a norm and we brush it away saying we live only once, why not !
How are we going to teach a kid value of money and that things will not come by when we want it ? Or even worse, that you dont always get what you want..(when each day in our live is exactly the opposite, the pursuit of getting exactly what we want!)
How do you teach the value of disappointments, trials and failures when your generation itself is not very adept at dealing with it ? I hate disappointments, I do.. I have always done that since childhood. I take it to extremes where I dont venture into things that i am either not confident about or know that I am not good at ranging from sports to new initiatives. I just dont like to fail. So, I would rather just stick to things that I am good at.
What kind of a teaching is that to a kid ?
How do you teach the value of money and saving when you yourself don't quite practice that ? :) And this is funny especially because my mom has been repeating this sentence like a parrot for the last 10 years ever since I started working ! I dont think most of people in my age bracket really save up money before buying something or plan for it beforehand. We first buy and then we plan to accommodate that cost in our lives.. If we don't have ready cash, we do overdrafts, credit cards, EMI's... there are many ways to do it :))
They say that you usually know whats the right thing to do when u have a kid.. i doubt the very concept of it, but for the sake of my sanity, I really hope thats true..
Monday, November 23, 2009
sad sad news !
Just heard, another one (second in the last 1 yr) of my close school friend's going thru a nasty separation and an impending divorce..
I am really and truly sorry to hear that. Somehow when i hear about such things, my heart reaches out to them even though i have not really kept a lot in touch with them ! Of course certain friendships especially from so long ago also fade with time and duly so. But still when I hear about their lives, makes me regret not keeping in touch.. (which is stupid coz its not like that wud have changed anything !)
Incidently, both these girls were good girls who promptly got married soon after college to the grooms of their parents choice. Makes me really wonder if parents really know the best for their children. I know its a very loaded and biased statement, but I can't help but think otherwise. What constitutes a good match or a good family has no bearing to the actual life that their daughter will have to eventually lead later on.
In both these cases, the guys came from so called 'Good' families, just that their upbringing seriously lacked any sense of civility, common sense and respect for women !
And worse of all, I find it so hard to digest the fact that both of my friends decided to stick around and bear it for the longest of times (5 years and 7 years respectively!). What makes women do that ?
We all grew up together and I have known them to a decent degree ever since we were girls with pigtails. Back then, would I have imagined that the same girls , (both of them post graduates with very good careers for themselves mind you!) would have settled for any less ? I really don't think so. Then what changed ?
I am sure its complicated and not necessarily all black and white, especially given all the parental pressure and the crappy indian society. But still, what gives ? Is it the eternal hope that things will become normal ? Or that you don't want to call quits too soon.
Not that I am judging any of them, I am very happy that they decided to take control now and are doing so with amazing grace.. Its just a scary notion I guess that you think you know people but really dont and that for every 2 who have the guts to walk out, there are 10 out there who don't !
I am really and truly sorry to hear that. Somehow when i hear about such things, my heart reaches out to them even though i have not really kept a lot in touch with them ! Of course certain friendships especially from so long ago also fade with time and duly so. But still when I hear about their lives, makes me regret not keeping in touch.. (which is stupid coz its not like that wud have changed anything !)
Incidently, both these girls were good girls who promptly got married soon after college to the grooms of their parents choice. Makes me really wonder if parents really know the best for their children. I know its a very loaded and biased statement, but I can't help but think otherwise. What constitutes a good match or a good family has no bearing to the actual life that their daughter will have to eventually lead later on.
In both these cases, the guys came from so called 'Good' families, just that their upbringing seriously lacked any sense of civility, common sense and respect for women !
And worse of all, I find it so hard to digest the fact that both of my friends decided to stick around and bear it for the longest of times (5 years and 7 years respectively!). What makes women do that ?
We all grew up together and I have known them to a decent degree ever since we were girls with pigtails. Back then, would I have imagined that the same girls , (both of them post graduates with very good careers for themselves mind you!) would have settled for any less ? I really don't think so. Then what changed ?
I am sure its complicated and not necessarily all black and white, especially given all the parental pressure and the crappy indian society. But still, what gives ? Is it the eternal hope that things will become normal ? Or that you don't want to call quits too soon.
Not that I am judging any of them, I am very happy that they decided to take control now and are doing so with amazing grace.. Its just a scary notion I guess that you think you know people but really dont and that for every 2 who have the guts to walk out, there are 10 out there who don't !
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