Its been a roller-coaster ride the past one year and I was just thinking about how closely I resembled a cow this time last year :) But then again am not that much thinner now, so probably didnt hafta think back so much :D
R says that mommy hood came quite naturally to me and that I seemed quite into it from the min Viv was born. I will admit that my sense of mommy-hood is unique in itself and yes that did come quite early on to me. I guess it also enriched my life in a certain sense. I am a lot more organized and a whole lot more paranoid now...
It is difficult to explain the kind of anxiety and paranoia that a baby brings to your life.. Its like saying bye to normal blood pressure for ever ! You will henceforth only hyperventilate over every small thing (which is exaggerated 20 times in your head) and the first possible thought that comes to your head in any situation is the worst case scenario.. You will become a What-If pessimist overnight and convince yourself that its all for the greater good, coz come on , when you are prepared for the worst anything good is a bonus right ?!
For a rookie mom- to- be I sure had a lot of sheer optimism. In retrospect, they seem more like delusions now, but nonetheless. For all the I told you so's I have heard since then, i again wonder why nobody tells you or talks about these specifics early on to set your expectations right. Most co-moms' even your own mom makes it all sound so instinctive and such a given fact. But the truth is, that its not all instinctive, although you seamless add them to your life or selflessly give or adjust when it comes down to it. But seriously nothing is far from the truth when they say that everything associated with it is the most natural thing.
I feel that motherhood is 20% instinct or gut feeling, 40% acquired knowledge and 40% knowledge of your own baby or derivations from your own experience.
Matters that actually should probably cause a concern sorted themselves out for most parts. These include Viv sleeping only on one side, irregular shape of the head, slow start to crawling and introduction to bottle and solids. They all sorted themselves out most beautifully.
Its the ones that I did not anticipate or think seriously about are the ones that made me/make me anxious on a daily basis. These include the fact that Viv self weaned himself much to my disappointment at 5 months, he uses his bottle as a pacifier instead of an actual pacifier, does not like to sit and indulge in activities that involve sitting and of course the mother of all - sleeping issues !
Then came the sleeping only on one side anxiety.. That was just too weird for words.. He was downright partial to one side to the extent that for weeks and months he refused to lie down or sleep or turn his head any other way.. That of course led to a lop sided shape of the head. Now, the problem with discussing such issues with your Ped is that even while you are saying this, you know you bungled up somewhere ! Its probably because of something that you did or do, that causes babies to get into habits such as this. So even when I am telling the doc about my apprehensions about a lop sided head, I am chiding myself inside my head saying - you idiot you know this is all coz of you, who gave you a small baby to raise to begin with ??!! :D Thankfully that slowly started to sort out by itself by about 4 months and the head is back to normal now !!! (phew...)
Then came (and continues till date) the sleep issues. Viv had settled himself to a once in 3 hours feeding routine so much so that even when he was not hungry and had grown to a stage where he could sleep thru the night, he still got up every 3 hours ! At first i continued to give him a bottle but had to stop after he turned 7 months coz the Doc put his foot down.. Its been a struggle to break this sleep pattern of his and makes me wonder at times if this will continue all the way to college, where instead of a bottle, he's gonna wake me up every 3 hours in the night for a sandwich !! (haha i jest in a purely cynical way, there are nights when I feel like shooting myself to get over the sleep deprivation!)
Of course there have been a zillion rewarding moments as well and they simply outweigh any crap that he has put us thru :) (kinda explains why we havent returned him back to the hospital where he came from :P)
He is growing up to be quite a monster and a hot headed monster at that.. albeit a cute one :)
So, taking a cue from dear girl Parul, a few words of wisdom for Viv from this overworked, underpaid, sleep deprived and tired mommy at 9 months.. (and wise.. wise..)
- 1. Exterior beauty, people around us and financial position always change, its a given. What may not and is not susceptible to external factors is a solid character and inner strength. Lose that and you will hardly have anything to stand on, anything else is replaceable.
- 2. When you find someone who loves you not for what you can be but for what you are, hold on to them. Conversely don't fall for someone who has 3 qualities from the 10 you are looking for, fall for someone who has the top 3 qualities out of the 10 you are looking for, the rest is negotiable.
- 3. Its not always important to save money, its important to save money with a goal in mind. Most people who do not save (including me) do not do so because they have very vague and abstract goals..
- 4. It is also important to live your life to the fullest and not compromise on how you want to live your life. If your dream life is above your current means, work towards it, but do not compromise on the dream.
- 5. Do not learn from other people's mistakes, make your own. At least that way, I will know that we raised you to have enough guts and gumption to make mistakes in the first place. Your mom has sincere respect for people who come up after having made mistakes and learnt from them, rather than make no mistakes and stagnate or worse make mistakes and not learn from them ! (know people from both categories). Remember that mistakes made now will be experience when you look at it 5 years down the line.
- 6. Stay away from anything bad but.. only after you know and understand that its bad for you. Do not base opinions and decisions on someone else's experience or opinions. They maybe doing the same, in which case it could just be a bad case of Chinese whisper !
- 7. Respect elders and their opinions/suggestion but always always make your own choice (except when it comes to me, coz you know mommy knows the best :D)
- 8. Read. If there is one thing that will keep you company during rainy days, lonely days, lonely nights, boring journeys, long flights, lonesome dinners - its a good book. There is nothing else in the world quite like it. (and no, iPhone/ iPod does not count!). A book will also open doors to the rest of the world to you, whether its this very world that we live in or imaginary. I can go on and on about this, but you know the drill..
- 9. Do not mix up family and friends, they are separate for a reason. We do not choose our immediate family and rarely our extended ones but we can choose our friends. Do so wisely and make as many as you can. These are people who you will find yourself spending a considerable amount of un-inhibited time with. And its important to find people you can be uninhibited with. The reason I also ask you to make as many friends thru your life is coz people move away too fast and you never know when you can run out of friends.
- 10. Last but not the least - Parents do not raise kids expecting something in return, but respect the fact that they also sacrifice and could have just as easily cut corners bringing up someone. The very reason they do not do so, warrants that the kids pay them back in their own chosen ways when they can.
I suspect this may have been too much wisdom for this small cutie 9 month old head, but I had to put it down somewhere for the sake of posterity and no, this is not a conclusive list !
Without taking up more space and continue to ramble, god bless and keep smiling. :)
