Want to scream out loud today. Have you ever felt that there are times when all you want to do is to curl up an cry ? Today is one of those days.
I am told that I cannot handle disappointments in life. I am also told that I am not good at keeping any extreme feelings to myself. What I don't understand is why I need to ?
I have never been the kind of person who shies away from showing what I feel. Whether it is any small amount of a fleeting feeling or something immensely huge. But apparently for the sake of civility or social obligations or family obligations, we need to learn to keep a straight face.
I don't fucking buy it !
Sunday, December 05, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
Youth!
Its not that you are bolder in your 20's, its just that you are highly oblivious to everything around..
Thursday, October 21, 2010
9 months in, 9 months out
Time definitely takes on its own pace with a baby and now that Viv's 9 months old :) It just seems apt for me to break my blogger's block and write something.
Its been a roller-coaster ride the past one year and I was just thinking about how closely I resembled a cow this time last year :) But then again am not that much thinner now, so probably didnt hafta think back so much :D
R says that mommy hood came quite naturally to me and that I seemed quite into it from the min Viv was born. I will admit that my sense of mommy-hood is unique in itself and yes that did come quite early on to me. I guess it also enriched my life in a certain sense. I am a lot more organized and a whole lot more paranoid now...
It is difficult to explain the kind of anxiety and paranoia that a baby brings to your life.. Its like saying bye to normal blood pressure for ever ! You will henceforth only hyperventilate over every small thing (which is exaggerated 20 times in your head) and the first possible thought that comes to your head in any situation is the worst case scenario.. You will become a What-If pessimist overnight and convince yourself that its all for the greater good, coz come on , when you are prepared for the worst anything good is a bonus right ?!
For a rookie mom- to- be I sure had a lot of sheer optimism. In retrospect, they seem more like delusions now, but nonetheless. For all the I told you so's I have heard since then, i again wonder why nobody tells you or talks about these specifics early on to set your expectations right. Most co-moms' even your own mom makes it all sound so instinctive and such a given fact. But the truth is, that its not all instinctive, although you seamless add them to your life or selflessly give or adjust when it comes down to it. But seriously nothing is far from the truth when they say that everything associated with it is the most natural thing. When Viv was brought home, I was well prepared for the night wakings and 2 hourly feeds, but I did not anticipate waking up at 3 am on a daily basis for the first 4 weeks and listening to a wailing baby who apparently was just exercising his lungs ! Really.. did not expect or understand this. Altho, that did stop at about 6 weeks.
Then came the sleeping only on one side anxiety.. That was just too weird for words.. He was downright partial to one side to the extent that for weeks and months he refused to lie down or sleep or turn his head any other way.. That of course led to a lop sided shape of the head. Now, the problem with discussing such issues with your Ped is that even while you are saying this, you know you bungled up somewhere ! Its probably because of something that you did or do, that causes babies to get into habits such as this. So even when I am telling the doc about my apprehensions about a lop sided head, I am chiding myself inside my head saying - you idiot you know this is all coz of you, who gave you a small baby to raise to begin with ??!! :D Thankfully that slowly started to sort out by itself by about 4 months and the head is back to normal now !!! (phew...)
Then came (and continues till date) the sleep issues. Viv had settled himself to a once in 3 hours feeding routine so much so that even when he was not hungry and had grown to a stage where he could sleep thru the night, he still got up every 3 hours ! At first i continued to give him a bottle but had to stop after he turned 7 months coz the Doc put his foot down.. Its been a struggle to break this sleep pattern of his and makes me wonder at times if this will continue all the way to college, where instead of a bottle, he's gonna wake me up every 3 hours in the night for a sandwich !! (haha i jest in a purely cynical way, there are nights when I feel like shooting myself to get over the sleep deprivation!)
Of course there have been a zillion rewarding moments as well and they simply outweigh any crap that he has put us thru :) (kinda explains why we havent returned him back to the hospital where he came from :P)
He is growing up to be quite a monster and a hot headed monster at that.. albeit a cute one :)
So, taking a cue from dear girl Parul, a few words of wisdom for Viv from this overworked, underpaid, sleep deprived and tired mommy at 9 months.. (and wise.. wise..)
I suspect this may have been too much wisdom for this small cutie 9 month old head, but I had to put it down somewhere for the sake of posterity and no, this is not a conclusive list !
Without taking up more space and continue to ramble, god bless and keep smiling. :)
Its been a roller-coaster ride the past one year and I was just thinking about how closely I resembled a cow this time last year :) But then again am not that much thinner now, so probably didnt hafta think back so much :D
R says that mommy hood came quite naturally to me and that I seemed quite into it from the min Viv was born. I will admit that my sense of mommy-hood is unique in itself and yes that did come quite early on to me. I guess it also enriched my life in a certain sense. I am a lot more organized and a whole lot more paranoid now...
It is difficult to explain the kind of anxiety and paranoia that a baby brings to your life.. Its like saying bye to normal blood pressure for ever ! You will henceforth only hyperventilate over every small thing (which is exaggerated 20 times in your head) and the first possible thought that comes to your head in any situation is the worst case scenario.. You will become a What-If pessimist overnight and convince yourself that its all for the greater good, coz come on , when you are prepared for the worst anything good is a bonus right ?!
For a rookie mom- to- be I sure had a lot of sheer optimism. In retrospect, they seem more like delusions now, but nonetheless. For all the I told you so's I have heard since then, i again wonder why nobody tells you or talks about these specifics early on to set your expectations right. Most co-moms' even your own mom makes it all sound so instinctive and such a given fact. But the truth is, that its not all instinctive, although you seamless add them to your life or selflessly give or adjust when it comes down to it. But seriously nothing is far from the truth when they say that everything associated with it is the most natural thing.
I feel that motherhood is 20% instinct or gut feeling, 40% acquired knowledge and 40% knowledge of your own baby or derivations from your own experience.
Matters that actually should probably cause a concern sorted themselves out for most parts. These include Viv sleeping only on one side, irregular shape of the head, slow start to crawling and introduction to bottle and solids. They all sorted themselves out most beautifully.
Its the ones that I did not anticipate or think seriously about are the ones that made me/make me anxious on a daily basis. These include the fact that Viv self weaned himself much to my disappointment at 5 months, he uses his bottle as a pacifier instead of an actual pacifier, does not like to sit and indulge in activities that involve sitting and of course the mother of all - sleeping issues !
Then came the sleeping only on one side anxiety.. That was just too weird for words.. He was downright partial to one side to the extent that for weeks and months he refused to lie down or sleep or turn his head any other way.. That of course led to a lop sided shape of the head. Now, the problem with discussing such issues with your Ped is that even while you are saying this, you know you bungled up somewhere ! Its probably because of something that you did or do, that causes babies to get into habits such as this. So even when I am telling the doc about my apprehensions about a lop sided head, I am chiding myself inside my head saying - you idiot you know this is all coz of you, who gave you a small baby to raise to begin with ??!! :D Thankfully that slowly started to sort out by itself by about 4 months and the head is back to normal now !!! (phew...)
Then came (and continues till date) the sleep issues. Viv had settled himself to a once in 3 hours feeding routine so much so that even when he was not hungry and had grown to a stage where he could sleep thru the night, he still got up every 3 hours ! At first i continued to give him a bottle but had to stop after he turned 7 months coz the Doc put his foot down.. Its been a struggle to break this sleep pattern of his and makes me wonder at times if this will continue all the way to college, where instead of a bottle, he's gonna wake me up every 3 hours in the night for a sandwich !! (haha i jest in a purely cynical way, there are nights when I feel like shooting myself to get over the sleep deprivation!)
Of course there have been a zillion rewarding moments as well and they simply outweigh any crap that he has put us thru :) (kinda explains why we havent returned him back to the hospital where he came from :P)
He is growing up to be quite a monster and a hot headed monster at that.. albeit a cute one :)
So, taking a cue from dear girl Parul, a few words of wisdom for Viv from this overworked, underpaid, sleep deprived and tired mommy at 9 months.. (and wise.. wise..)
- 1. Exterior beauty, people around us and financial position always change, its a given. What may not and is not susceptible to external factors is a solid character and inner strength. Lose that and you will hardly have anything to stand on, anything else is replaceable.
- 2. When you find someone who loves you not for what you can be but for what you are, hold on to them. Conversely don't fall for someone who has 3 qualities from the 10 you are looking for, fall for someone who has the top 3 qualities out of the 10 you are looking for, the rest is negotiable.
- 3. Its not always important to save money, its important to save money with a goal in mind. Most people who do not save (including me) do not do so because they have very vague and abstract goals..
- 4. It is also important to live your life to the fullest and not compromise on how you want to live your life. If your dream life is above your current means, work towards it, but do not compromise on the dream.
- 5. Do not learn from other people's mistakes, make your own. At least that way, I will know that we raised you to have enough guts and gumption to make mistakes in the first place. Your mom has sincere respect for people who come up after having made mistakes and learnt from them, rather than make no mistakes and stagnate or worse make mistakes and not learn from them ! (know people from both categories). Remember that mistakes made now will be experience when you look at it 5 years down the line.
- 6. Stay away from anything bad but.. only after you know and understand that its bad for you. Do not base opinions and decisions on someone else's experience or opinions. They maybe doing the same, in which case it could just be a bad case of Chinese whisper !
- 7. Respect elders and their opinions/suggestion but always always make your own choice (except when it comes to me, coz you know mommy knows the best :D)
- 8. Read. If there is one thing that will keep you company during rainy days, lonely days, lonely nights, boring journeys, long flights, lonesome dinners - its a good book. There is nothing else in the world quite like it. (and no, iPhone/ iPod does not count!). A book will also open doors to the rest of the world to you, whether its this very world that we live in or imaginary. I can go on and on about this, but you know the drill..
- 9. Do not mix up family and friends, they are separate for a reason. We do not choose our immediate family and rarely our extended ones but we can choose our friends. Do so wisely and make as many as you can. These are people who you will find yourself spending a considerable amount of un-inhibited time with. And its important to find people you can be uninhibited with. The reason I also ask you to make as many friends thru your life is coz people move away too fast and you never know when you can run out of friends.
- 10. Last but not the least - Parents do not raise kids expecting something in return, but respect the fact that they also sacrifice and could have just as easily cut corners bringing up someone. The very reason they do not do so, warrants that the kids pay them back in their own chosen ways when they can.
I suspect this may have been too much wisdom for this small cutie 9 month old head, but I had to put it down somewhere for the sake of posterity and no, this is not a conclusive list !
Without taking up more space and continue to ramble, god bless and keep smiling. :)
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
By The Water Cooler
Sunday, October 03, 2010
Blip
If I had to mention one regret in my life so far - it is to have traveled some more while we could !
Thursday, July 15, 2010
If wishes were horses
Now that's a phrase I can never understand..
I have been on a rewind and reminisce mode off late, looking at some old pictures, thinking about some old times, sighing all to myself etc.. you get the drift..
Cut back to present and believe me the present jolts me back to it with a shrill cry :), i often find myself wishing how it would be to mix the present with the past.
I mean, live the present but pick certain things from the past to co habitat with it or vice-versa even... It could be a place, could be a state of mind, could be certain people, could be certain things.. many possibilities..
I really wonder how it would be, my mind does conjure a nice picture, an inviting one even.. but I guess past is past for a reason and its just plain weird to bring it back.. Not that the present is any less but its just a little more serious and a little less fun :)
The brain says move on lassie ! and the heart says - stop a while, relive it at least in your mind and heart :)
Friday, June 18, 2010
I promise
to not post something for the sake of it. There seems to be either too much of mommy mush or random twittery posts. Both of which annoy me later.
So here goes - I am not gonna post anything till I actually write something decent to blog about..
Ps: Have many drafts in an incomplete state but thanks to Viv I never get back to them.
So here goes - I am not gonna post anything till I actually write something decent to blog about..
Ps: Have many drafts in an incomplete state but thanks to Viv I never get back to them.
Friday, April 30, 2010
blip...
What is wrong with Mani Ratnam ? Just when I thought that it was just a phase when he was making one hindi movie after the other with bollywood stars and it will get over, he goes ahead and signs Ranbir for his next ?? Seriously, Tam movie industry has lost an amazing film maker..
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Take a bow !
I had been referred to this website called flipkart.com by someone and to my immense delight, its a wonderful site. They are basically an online bookshop but what really sets them apart is their wonderful order provisioning and the fact that they are based out of bangalore. Which essentially means that if I order a book today evening, I will promptly get it day after early morning. Now, this for someone who is kinda immoblized right now, is a boon of exponential order..
No venturing out to Blossoms or Landmark, sift thru aisles, stand in the payment counter (especially in Landmark which is bleddy crowded all the time!) or desperately find books ! Here you have everything at the click of a button :)
Very impressive indeed ...
No venturing out to Blossoms or Landmark, sift thru aisles, stand in the payment counter (especially in Landmark which is bleddy crowded all the time!) or desperately find books ! Here you have everything at the click of a button :)
Very impressive indeed ...
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Schedule for the sake of posterity...
7 am - a very tired and groggy mom hands over Viv to his grandmom. Fresh and rejuvenated grandmom looks at the fresh and rejuvenated grandson and love is in the air.. she coos at him saying where is my sweetie grandson..the next 2 hrs are a blur as yours truly desperatly catches a quick 2 hrs nap. I have been told that he is very cheerful during that time and poops.
9 am - a very hassled grandmom wakes up the mom - heres your son, hes hungry ! (i don't fail to notice how quickly it has changed from my grandson to your son !!)
9.30 am - feeding over but baby not able to sleep
10 am - after much rocking, a little sleep looks imminent
10.30 am - Viv sleeps finally (if I wasnt so tired would jump in joy). Yours truly wonders if she can also catch a quick nap with Viv but dreams are shattered when my mom yells for me to get up to finish all chores b4 Viv wakes up again
11 am - finally managed to brush and have coffee. Viv stirs in his sleep and I am praying with all my fingers crossed. Pat him back to sleep for 20 mins.
11.30 am - mom points out that she has already heated up breakfast twice by now which i quickly gobble up just to cut short that conversation !
12 pm - sterilization process for all Viv's stuff
12.15 pm - Viv has dirtied his diaper and screams for me to get going.
12.30 pm - Feed him but no point trying to make him sleep now, he is fully awake, put him in his crib in the living room. Viv is chewing his hands
1 pm - his great grandfather visits and is promptly awarded a smile
1.30 pm - diaper change
1.45 pm - my mom's gives me a lectre about how i suck at time management and how it is lunch time and I have neither had lunch and nor made Viv sleep.. i slowly realize how hungry I am..
2 pm - feed and rock him to sleep
2.30 - finally sit for lunch, mom is still glaring at me..
3 pm - make a bottle for Viv and decide to check emails
3.30 pm - Viv threatens to wake up again, mom's yelling at me for not sleeping with him and I am getting beaten in mafia wars on facebook. my cup runeth over ! i promptly pat him baq to sleep and catch a nap myself
4.30 - Viv air boxes me to indicate that he's hungry and i have to get up to feed him and change him
5 pm - all fresh Viv decides to look around, is put in his crib in the living room where he stares at the curtains first and then the fan..I manage to shower.
6 pm - Viv is slightly tired with all the staring and just when i decide to change the screnery for him he poops.
6.30 pm - feed and diaper change (again !)
6.45 pm - dozes off in my lap much to my annoyance and i dont want him to sleep in the evening
7.30 pm - diaper change and time for his oil bath. oil massage commences for 15 mins.. he likes the idea of a spa immensely :D
8 pm - bath time and massage with johnsons bedtime lotion (which is my pathetic attempt to make him feel sleepy !)
8.30 pm - lights are off, lullabies are sung and the baby dozes off.
9 pm - dinner in the house begins
9.30 pm - Viv wakes up for a diaper change. I feel like kicking P&G, whats the point of a diaper if the baby can actually scream for changing it !! I jump to it in the middle of my dinner
10 pm - i resume my dinner while his dad takes after the baby entertainment
10.30 pm - feeding over but no sign of sleep
11 pm - the dad is feeling sleepy by now and is threatening to hand over the baby to me.. by then having chatted with whoever is online and jumped a few levels at mafia wars, i am tempted to hand over the non sleeping baby back to the hospital.
11.30 pm - Viv no sleep, the dad is asleep, the granny is asleep. Only nocturnal creatures are awake - Viv , his mom and his uncle.
11.45 pm - Viv hollers and i have no idea why.. try to feed him, burp him, rock him, pat him, switch the AC on, reduce the temp, change hands, change rooms.. no effect.. give colic drops.. some relief
12 am - too tired and hand over Viv to Rahul.
12.15 am - sterlize stuff like a mad woman, make a bottle for Viv
12.30 am - diaper change
1 am - finally some signs of sleep, rocking helps.
3 am - Viv kicks to indicate that hes hungry.. feed, change diapers
3.30 am - baby sleeps again, mom is fully awake
6 am - dad wakes to go for a shower, wakes me up with all the noise..
6.15 am - Viv decides why should he be left behind and wakes up for a feed. feed and change diaper.
6.45 am - seems to doze off..
7 am - false alarm, no sleep.. i finally take him out and hand him over to my mom..
9 am - a very hassled grandmom wakes up the mom - heres your son, hes hungry ! (i don't fail to notice how quickly it has changed from my grandson to your son !!)
9.30 am - feeding over but baby not able to sleep
10 am - after much rocking, a little sleep looks imminent
10.30 am - Viv sleeps finally (if I wasnt so tired would jump in joy). Yours truly wonders if she can also catch a quick nap with Viv but dreams are shattered when my mom yells for me to get up to finish all chores b4 Viv wakes up again
11 am - finally managed to brush and have coffee. Viv stirs in his sleep and I am praying with all my fingers crossed. Pat him back to sleep for 20 mins.
11.30 am - mom points out that she has already heated up breakfast twice by now which i quickly gobble up just to cut short that conversation !
12 pm - sterilization process for all Viv's stuff
12.15 pm - Viv has dirtied his diaper and screams for me to get going.
12.30 pm - Feed him but no point trying to make him sleep now, he is fully awake, put him in his crib in the living room. Viv is chewing his hands
1 pm - his great grandfather visits and is promptly awarded a smile
1.30 pm - diaper change
1.45 pm - my mom's gives me a lectre about how i suck at time management and how it is lunch time and I have neither had lunch and nor made Viv sleep.. i slowly realize how hungry I am..
2 pm - feed and rock him to sleep
2.30 - finally sit for lunch, mom is still glaring at me..
3 pm - make a bottle for Viv and decide to check emails
3.30 pm - Viv threatens to wake up again, mom's yelling at me for not sleeping with him and I am getting beaten in mafia wars on facebook. my cup runeth over ! i promptly pat him baq to sleep and catch a nap myself
4.30 - Viv air boxes me to indicate that he's hungry and i have to get up to feed him and change him
5 pm - all fresh Viv decides to look around, is put in his crib in the living room where he stares at the curtains first and then the fan..I manage to shower.
6 pm - Viv is slightly tired with all the staring and just when i decide to change the screnery for him he poops.
6.30 pm - feed and diaper change (again !)
6.45 pm - dozes off in my lap much to my annoyance and i dont want him to sleep in the evening
7.30 pm - diaper change and time for his oil bath. oil massage commences for 15 mins.. he likes the idea of a spa immensely :D
8 pm - bath time and massage with johnsons bedtime lotion (which is my pathetic attempt to make him feel sleepy !)
8.30 pm - lights are off, lullabies are sung and the baby dozes off.
9 pm - dinner in the house begins
9.30 pm - Viv wakes up for a diaper change. I feel like kicking P&G, whats the point of a diaper if the baby can actually scream for changing it !! I jump to it in the middle of my dinner
10 pm - i resume my dinner while his dad takes after the baby entertainment
10.30 pm - feeding over but no sign of sleep
11 pm - the dad is feeling sleepy by now and is threatening to hand over the baby to me.. by then having chatted with whoever is online and jumped a few levels at mafia wars, i am tempted to hand over the non sleeping baby back to the hospital.
11.30 pm - Viv no sleep, the dad is asleep, the granny is asleep. Only nocturnal creatures are awake - Viv , his mom and his uncle.
11.45 pm - Viv hollers and i have no idea why.. try to feed him, burp him, rock him, pat him, switch the AC on, reduce the temp, change hands, change rooms.. no effect.. give colic drops.. some relief
12 am - too tired and hand over Viv to Rahul.
12.15 am - sterlize stuff like a mad woman, make a bottle for Viv
12.30 am - diaper change
1 am - finally some signs of sleep, rocking helps.
3 am - Viv kicks to indicate that hes hungry.. feed, change diapers
3.30 am - baby sleeps again, mom is fully awake
6 am - dad wakes to go for a shower, wakes me up with all the noise..
6.15 am - Viv decides why should he be left behind and wakes up for a feed. feed and change diaper.
6.45 am - seems to doze off..
7 am - false alarm, no sleep.. i finally take him out and hand him over to my mom..
Monday, March 15, 2010
Look how far we've come my baby ... (taking a cue from shaniya twain i suppose)
So.. Here are a few milestones that Viv seems to have achieved since..
1. The first social smile at 6 weeks that was a total delight for everyone involved..
2. The smile has quickly tuned into suble laughter now :)
3. Can follow objects and is extremely fascinated by curtains.. (go figure!)
4. His sleeping pattern still sends me into a frenzy as hes an angel one day and sleeps at 9 to wake up only at 6, but other times will not budge till 1 am
5. Can definitely recognise his mom and mine :)
6. Thinks his dad is the "Wipro Uncle" who comes home in the evenings :D
7. Is very partial to his right side, so much so that it has become the butt of joke in our house.. Everybody comes up with how hilarious it would be if he continues like this and becomes a cricketer or goes to school or ... (the list is endless)
8. I am singularly concerned with the above mentioned partiality, trying my best to make him see the world on his left side too :P
9. We seem to have finally decoded the cryptic cry's...when you have exhausted all the sane reasons, just give him his colic drops :p
10. Loves to kick...
11. Cannot hold his neck properly but would love to be held upright !
12. ooh's and aah's at everyone who talks to him, mostly in a complaining tone
13. Can make out when i am scolding him and promptly hollers to get me scolded by my mom..(clever tactic i must say !)
14. Has learnt to push things away, whether its his bottle or bib or me (gasp !)
15. Used to love hot water bath, now prefers slightly cold water, has a totally scandalized expression when the water is even little hot..:)
16. Hates power cuts, has single handedly made my mom to get the UPS for the entire house and an AC for his room (a feat that we couldn't achieve in fifteen odd years !)
17. And last but not the least - has finally outgrown his newborn sized clothes !! yeaaa :) (but slightly sad too coz we hardly used them more than a couple of times each. sheeshh how fast they grow !)
1. The first social smile at 6 weeks that was a total delight for everyone involved..
2. The smile has quickly tuned into suble laughter now :)
3. Can follow objects and is extremely fascinated by curtains.. (go figure!)
4. His sleeping pattern still sends me into a frenzy as hes an angel one day and sleeps at 9 to wake up only at 6, but other times will not budge till 1 am
5. Can definitely recognise his mom and mine :)
6. Thinks his dad is the "Wipro Uncle" who comes home in the evenings :D
7. Is very partial to his right side, so much so that it has become the butt of joke in our house.. Everybody comes up with how hilarious it would be if he continues like this and becomes a cricketer or goes to school or ... (the list is endless)
8. I am singularly concerned with the above mentioned partiality, trying my best to make him see the world on his left side too :P
9. We seem to have finally decoded the cryptic cry's...when you have exhausted all the sane reasons, just give him his colic drops :p
10. Loves to kick...
11. Cannot hold his neck properly but would love to be held upright !
12. ooh's and aah's at everyone who talks to him, mostly in a complaining tone
13. Can make out when i am scolding him and promptly hollers to get me scolded by my mom..(clever tactic i must say !)
14. Has learnt to push things away, whether its his bottle or bib or me (gasp !)
15. Used to love hot water bath, now prefers slightly cold water, has a totally scandalized expression when the water is even little hot..:)
16. Hates power cuts, has single handedly made my mom to get the UPS for the entire house and an AC for his room (a feat that we couldn't achieve in fifteen odd years !)
17. And last but not the least - has finally outgrown his newborn sized clothes !! yeaaa :) (but slightly sad too coz we hardly used them more than a couple of times each. sheeshh how fast they grow !)
Thursday, March 04, 2010
Thank god for small mercies
It took 5 weeks for the exhaustion and irritation to set it. Sleep depravation came in early but decided to wait out for the other 2 to join before acting out !
Viv has been bawling quite without reason now a days. It takes the entire house (which is saying a lot coz I have my mom, bro, hubby, grandpa and grandma all at home!), to soothe him sometimes, even changing hands every 10 mins.. On my part, i frustratingly carry out the entire rigmarole of going thru all the possibilities - feed, burp, swaddle, unswaddle, cool the room, warm the room, sing, rock, bathe and finally when nothing works, i decide its colic and give him his colic drops.. It takes about an hour but at the end he does kinda dozes off, but the awful thing is that we still have no clue why he was bawling and what worked ! damn !
I am also sick and tired of hearing about babies who weren't like him or babies who were worse.. I know i know, I am at short fuse nowadays.. But believe me, its damn irritating when friends just say that ya babies are like this only, you just have to wait it out.. I agree but thats not to say i don't find that annoying... Plus its not like i like them giving advices as well.. yes, I am a complicated personality now and nothing seems to please me :))
I also find myself complaining quite a bit nowadays about how tough its become to soothe Viv and how sleep depraved I am.. But I want to stop doing that and for once thank god for other small things that I definitely have to thank for.. Apparently things will ease out when hes about 3 months old, so whats that compared to an entire lifetime, isn't it ? (bigger picture, helloo !)
So, here goes:
1. I am really glad that Viv is not fussy about being held by others, if he had clung just to me or was fussy about being held only by me, it would have driven me insane by now..
2. I am really glad that Viv is also not fussy about being fed in a bottle. The pump is my best friend now and gives me some hours of peace of mind..
3. I am really thankful for the fact that when he is damn sleepy, he will sleep with whoever is holding him and however hes being held.
4. I am really glad that we at least have a bathing routine in the night that sort of set and there are hardly any deviations there.
5. I am really thankful for the fact that even though its just been 5 weeks, he has let me go out on several occassions for shopping, for a nice birthday dinner and a few get togethers with friends :)
6. I am glad that he is growing well and even smiles at us sometimes :)
So, there ... in perspective, many things to be glad about..
Viv has been bawling quite without reason now a days. It takes the entire house (which is saying a lot coz I have my mom, bro, hubby, grandpa and grandma all at home!), to soothe him sometimes, even changing hands every 10 mins.. On my part, i frustratingly carry out the entire rigmarole of going thru all the possibilities - feed, burp, swaddle, unswaddle, cool the room, warm the room, sing, rock, bathe and finally when nothing works, i decide its colic and give him his colic drops.. It takes about an hour but at the end he does kinda dozes off, but the awful thing is that we still have no clue why he was bawling and what worked ! damn !
I am also sick and tired of hearing about babies who weren't like him or babies who were worse.. I know i know, I am at short fuse nowadays.. But believe me, its damn irritating when friends just say that ya babies are like this only, you just have to wait it out.. I agree but thats not to say i don't find that annoying... Plus its not like i like them giving advices as well.. yes, I am a complicated personality now and nothing seems to please me :))
I also find myself complaining quite a bit nowadays about how tough its become to soothe Viv and how sleep depraved I am.. But I want to stop doing that and for once thank god for other small things that I definitely have to thank for.. Apparently things will ease out when hes about 3 months old, so whats that compared to an entire lifetime, isn't it ? (bigger picture, helloo !)
So, here goes:
1. I am really glad that Viv is not fussy about being held by others, if he had clung just to me or was fussy about being held only by me, it would have driven me insane by now..
2. I am really glad that Viv is also not fussy about being fed in a bottle. The pump is my best friend now and gives me some hours of peace of mind..
3. I am really thankful for the fact that when he is damn sleepy, he will sleep with whoever is holding him and however hes being held.
4. I am really glad that we at least have a bathing routine in the night that sort of set and there are hardly any deviations there.
5. I am really thankful for the fact that even though its just been 5 weeks, he has let me go out on several occassions for shopping, for a nice birthday dinner and a few get togethers with friends :)
6. I am glad that he is growing well and even smiles at us sometimes :)
So, there ... in perspective, many things to be glad about..
Monday, March 01, 2010
First things first
I can see my toes, no let me reprase that, I can actually touch and paint my toenails now :)) It sure feels good to be able to do that after few odd months of being a beach whale !
It has been a good recovery so far and I have so much to thank my OB for that. I had a planned C Section, despite all the raised eye brows from friends and acquaintances and a good amount of chiding from my mom. I guess the first question anybody asks and that too so instinctively is an emphatic "Why". Now that I have heard so many why's I guess it must seem very strange and non natural to people when they hear that. There were some who were polite enough to mask it and some who very certainly were not and some even downright judgemental about it.
Anyhoo, to cut the long story short, from the very begining I was very sure of that fact that, a planned c is what is wanted and I had my very good reasons for it and did not need anyone's blessings or approval for the same. My doc was very supportive I must say although she did try a little bit to show me the goodness of a natural delivery and how easy it can be. But I personally do not like uncertanities just being the kind of person that I am and managed to convince her otherwise. She was gracious enough to let me chose without undue pushing or brainwashing :) (although she herslf is extremely pro au natural !)
They say that a good doctor is half the battle won and I have to agree. Dr. Praveena Shenoi was my OB-GYN and without any doubt the best in banaglore in my opinion. If anybody needs a reference, please IM me. It took me about 3 trial and errors to get to her and boy was I glad I did ! I believe that a doctor should put you at ease and not add to any apprehensions you may already have. And she did just that when I met her for the first time. No matter how many patients she sees in a day or how tired she would be, as a patient you would not realize that because even at 8 in the night or 6 in the morning, she greets you with the same affable smile :)
I remember when I met her the first time, I was in a very fragile state of mind as i was pregnant immediately after a miscarriage. I was already frustrated having tried out 3 other so called famous OB Gyn's in bangalore who were just plain annoying ! So, when I told her - "This maybe the one of the million babies that you help deliver but this is my first and I would like the kind of attention that this deserves from you, I would like you to help me with all the paranoid questions that I have and I will reach out to you for all the so called crisis situations in my head", she calmly said "I understand" and gave me her cell number. That clinched it for me and I knew that I had the right doctor..
There are doctors who put you at ease as soon as you talk to them and she is one of them. God knows how many crazy situations and scares we have had during the 9 months including the last ultrasound episode where the radiologist told us to get the baby out about a week before my scheduled surgery. She has been a constant support and voice of reason during the entire time and that is the mark of a stellar doctor !
She is also not the conventional sorts who tell you to rest the whole time as you are in a delicate condition, on the other hand she used to keep telling me that pregnancy is neither a disease nor a handicap so I shouldnt treat it like one. Infact she is one of the rare doctors who would tell me to be active and excercise the whole time (the ones that was allowed and thanks to that I actually dropped 10 kgs just 2 weeks after the surgery !). She was patient with my mum, who god knows is the only person more paranoid than me and told her very gently that I could eat whatever the hell I wanted and if I didnt feel like, not to force me. (during the annoying first trimester !).
During the memorable surgery she actually kept me occupied by talking to me the whole time and guiding me thru the process. The surgery by itself was such a breeze due to her and people dont believe me when I tell them that i was on my feet and walking the next day.
Till date i never experienced any major pain or complications and the incision scar is all but invisible (really!). The other grouse that most women have, is the feeling of being stranded alone after getting discharged from the hospital. This is mainly coz now the focus shifts to the baby and the baby has a doc for him/herself. The woman unless there are complications does not need her OB GYN anymore, so its a bit frustrating to be left to fend for ourselves with a brand new baby that we really dont know what to do with and weird things happening to our bodies trying to come back to its pre pregnancy state !
But thankfully she did not ditch us so fast and hand held enough for me to ease into mommyhood without having to worry about myself as well. Within 3 weeks, she had me declared fit enough to start an active routine and to do whatever the hell i wanted :) (almost quote unquote :p)
Her husband incidently is my baby's pediatrician, Dr. Arvind Shenoi, who if possible is even more famous than her ! He is simply the best ped in Bangalore and boy am I glad to get him or what. Although its a crazy rig to get appointments with him and there is a huge waiting everytime we go to the clinic. But the moment he smiles at us and touches the baby, it makes every frustrating waiting minute worthwhile ! There is just nobody in the world that my baby is so calm with ! Not even me, believe it or not :))
Anyways, this blog kinda transgressed into an ode to my doctors, but I guess that it is justified given how much I have to be thankful to them for :)
It has been a good recovery so far and I have so much to thank my OB for that. I had a planned C Section, despite all the raised eye brows from friends and acquaintances and a good amount of chiding from my mom. I guess the first question anybody asks and that too so instinctively is an emphatic "Why". Now that I have heard so many why's I guess it must seem very strange and non natural to people when they hear that. There were some who were polite enough to mask it and some who very certainly were not and some even downright judgemental about it.
Anyhoo, to cut the long story short, from the very begining I was very sure of that fact that, a planned c is what is wanted and I had my very good reasons for it and did not need anyone's blessings or approval for the same. My doc was very supportive I must say although she did try a little bit to show me the goodness of a natural delivery and how easy it can be. But I personally do not like uncertanities just being the kind of person that I am and managed to convince her otherwise. She was gracious enough to let me chose without undue pushing or brainwashing :) (although she herslf is extremely pro au natural !)
They say that a good doctor is half the battle won and I have to agree. Dr. Praveena Shenoi was my OB-GYN and without any doubt the best in banaglore in my opinion. If anybody needs a reference, please IM me. It took me about 3 trial and errors to get to her and boy was I glad I did ! I believe that a doctor should put you at ease and not add to any apprehensions you may already have. And she did just that when I met her for the first time. No matter how many patients she sees in a day or how tired she would be, as a patient you would not realize that because even at 8 in the night or 6 in the morning, she greets you with the same affable smile :)
I remember when I met her the first time, I was in a very fragile state of mind as i was pregnant immediately after a miscarriage. I was already frustrated having tried out 3 other so called famous OB Gyn's in bangalore who were just plain annoying ! So, when I told her - "This maybe the one of the million babies that you help deliver but this is my first and I would like the kind of attention that this deserves from you, I would like you to help me with all the paranoid questions that I have and I will reach out to you for all the so called crisis situations in my head", she calmly said "I understand" and gave me her cell number. That clinched it for me and I knew that I had the right doctor..
There are doctors who put you at ease as soon as you talk to them and she is one of them. God knows how many crazy situations and scares we have had during the 9 months including the last ultrasound episode where the radiologist told us to get the baby out about a week before my scheduled surgery. She has been a constant support and voice of reason during the entire time and that is the mark of a stellar doctor !
She is also not the conventional sorts who tell you to rest the whole time as you are in a delicate condition, on the other hand she used to keep telling me that pregnancy is neither a disease nor a handicap so I shouldnt treat it like one. Infact she is one of the rare doctors who would tell me to be active and excercise the whole time (the ones that was allowed and thanks to that I actually dropped 10 kgs just 2 weeks after the surgery !). She was patient with my mum, who god knows is the only person more paranoid than me and told her very gently that I could eat whatever the hell I wanted and if I didnt feel like, not to force me. (during the annoying first trimester !).
During the memorable surgery she actually kept me occupied by talking to me the whole time and guiding me thru the process. The surgery by itself was such a breeze due to her and people dont believe me when I tell them that i was on my feet and walking the next day.
Till date i never experienced any major pain or complications and the incision scar is all but invisible (really!). The other grouse that most women have, is the feeling of being stranded alone after getting discharged from the hospital. This is mainly coz now the focus shifts to the baby and the baby has a doc for him/herself. The woman unless there are complications does not need her OB GYN anymore, so its a bit frustrating to be left to fend for ourselves with a brand new baby that we really dont know what to do with and weird things happening to our bodies trying to come back to its pre pregnancy state !
But thankfully she did not ditch us so fast and hand held enough for me to ease into mommyhood without having to worry about myself as well. Within 3 weeks, she had me declared fit enough to start an active routine and to do whatever the hell i wanted :) (almost quote unquote :p)
Her husband incidently is my baby's pediatrician, Dr. Arvind Shenoi, who if possible is even more famous than her ! He is simply the best ped in Bangalore and boy am I glad to get him or what. Although its a crazy rig to get appointments with him and there is a huge waiting everytime we go to the clinic. But the moment he smiles at us and touches the baby, it makes every frustrating waiting minute worthwhile ! There is just nobody in the world that my baby is so calm with ! Not even me, believe it or not :))
Anyways, this blog kinda transgressed into an ode to my doctors, but I guess that it is justified given how much I have to be thankful to them for :)
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Welcome Vivaan
Its been a while since i came here. Mainly due to a weird lapse of memory me thinks :) Now that i am insanely hooked to FB thanks to Mafia wars (please do not ask me about my fixation, the only excuse that i have is that killing/knifing mobsters relaxes me :p), blogger seems like an overkill with redundant twitter like one liners.
But enough of that, here's welcoming Vivaan to the world. Welcome my darling baby, 'tis not a bad world for most parts :) You have although come into a kooky family :P, as proud as we are about it !
But enough of that, here's welcoming Vivaan to the world. Welcome my darling baby, 'tis not a bad world for most parts :) You have although come into a kooky family :P, as proud as we are about it !
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