CA

A lot has changed since I last wrote something like this ,about close to 3 yrs ago..
I guess I have changed a bit too, definitely a lot less self conscious, moved around quite a bit, met about a zillion more kinds of people..
All in all , I will say good times and some not so great too...

So, anyways. moved into a new city.. Sunny California :) I guess I always wanted that in some quirky way, wanted to stay in CA before leaving for good.. And like they say, be careful what you wish for :P

Moving cities is not easy, but being in the kind of job that I am in, you tend to get used to it.. At the very least, you learn to get over it and stop fussing :)
But nonetheless, when i moved last, i swore i will never ever move again and i wanted to stay put, enjoy the settled life..

But here I am.. another city, moving yet again.. At the brink of that, I really wonder if I wanted this along.. Obviously no one likes the whole irritating moving, packing bit. But I slowly realize that I do like being on my own..

Of course I also like to work and the whole not working bit was driving me crazy and in turn making hubby crazy.. So, with the realization that I did miss being on my own, I concede to my fate...

There is a bit of me which thrives on being independent, being on you own, doing your own thing.. Its a really weird thing to say especially in the sub context of being married..

I love being married mind you, something I recommend for everybody.. But I think its just .. Well.. theres something about being on your own.. Being with someone is great.. But i think for the kind of person I am, i tend to lose myself. I get all too consumed by the relationship, associations that a marriage brings to your life and just the day to day routine of being with someone. Its nice and I guess something that every girl wants, comfort and security of being in a relationship..
But there is a part of me (at least deep down), which has seen how difficult it is to bounce baq to being your own person, gathering surviving friends and just simply salvaging whatever's left of you at the core. Its a cynical side of me no doubt.. A self preservative side of me..But its also something that keeps me from driving myself crazy and helps me maintain my identity as me and not just as someone's better half..
So, in the celebration of being so called single again, I tell myself that this time I will not restrict myself to conventional life. Life is too short for that. And shocking as it may seem, I think close to 3 years down the line since I wrote that blog, I will eat some words of my own.. I think it takes a lot of grit to set out all by yourself. You need to shed a lot of inhibitions.

Well, considering that the town itself is not a hip hep busy city but a suburb, the options themselves are limited.. But nonetheless, I did venture out to a bar all by myself last friday. It felt weird.. It felt incomplete.. But I had to do it for myself, maybe proving a point to myself.. That I am not as archaic as I may seem to myself sometimes.. I can go out of my way to try new things.. I think its the beginning of getting out of the rut..