Om....

Its been a week of introspection, and of course a workshop. I went into it thinking - Oh one of those soft skills workshop which I dont' need but my boss insists that I go for some workshop coz its in my objectives!
But at the end of 2 days, I admit I did come back with a small but significant take back. It reinforced my belief about how life is nothing but a long winding road of choices. Choices that we see, choices we don't, choices we choose to make, choices we don't even realize that we are making and above all choices that really tell a lot about the kind of person that you are.

Consider a beggar at the traffic signal, you reaction and subsequent action not only tells you about the kind of values/belief system you have, but also tells you about the conditioning you have , which makes you choose an action that follows.

I think more than anything, I have probably become a lot more self aware in terms of looking at even the smallest of things that I do, because they involve these choices and decisions that I am talking about. There is a pattern in it, definitely a significant pattern, which tells me more about myself. Sometimes things that I don't like and probably don't like to hear.

To cite some examples, I realize that I am not good at receiving a direct compliment (not the, "ah that bag is really nice or those earrings look nice on you" types! But more like, "wow you are quite creative" types.. I really find myself at loss when it comes to reacting at a qualitative feedback. More often than not, I find myself not graciously accepting it but side stepping it altogether and probably even be-little it ,like - "Oh that was nothing at all, I am sure you can do the same thing"!

When I dig deeper I can definitely see how when we were kids we were not really given direct qualitative feedbacks like that, not to say that my family did not believe in appreciation or that I had zero talent (:p) but just that for some reason they probably thought appreciation should not be given directly coz it may cause some sense of arrogance in the kid. So, even now my mum would say to other people - "Oh you ahould take Rads along for shopping, she is really good at picking nice things out." But to date she will never say that to me! So, you see its difficult for me to react to appreaciation like that coz I am just not used to it .

I think its good to realize these things because it makes you a lot more aware of yourself and even gives you that window of oppurtunity to maybe do something different if you wish to.

At the same time, I realize the importance of being able to see choices along the way. Whether its picking up that shoe just because its on sale or whether its deciding to go out for drinks with someone or a group that you don't know so well. At the risk of sounding preachy, there are options and choices for us at any given point in time. Even at times when we really can't see beyond something. Even when something looks really obvious. And maybe even when you don't think you need a choice or that is there is a conscious decision to be taken.