:) ( I am tired of thinking up titles :p)

"The older you get, you start realising what a fool you had been all these years to actually consider birthdays "happy" occasions. What is there to be happy about anyway? With each passing year, you get farther from people and farther from yourself, you discover more flaws, more disappointments, more regrets, more judgement, more cynicism, more things (and people) that annoy you, and more things that don't matter. I know there's supposed to be a textbook list of GTAGO (Good Things About Growing Older) but frankly speaking, at this point in time, it seems like a rather bullshitty list"

My sentiments exactly, verbalized by the dear birthday gal

ahem

Its so weird that I find myself being very - I me myself, now a days :))

*

What if the only person you needed to talk to is the one person you can't talk to..

Perfection

Perfectly described here :)

People people!

Are we increasingly becoming self indulgent or are we thriving in low tolerance towards just about anything??

I am finding more and more people becoming so intolerant now a days, I am not sure if its just the stress of modern day life now a days or whether attitudes are changing big time.

Unfortunately for us, the interiors work in our apartment took 2 months longer than what it should have and believe me everybody around has been constantly complaining (everybody except surprisingly my very next door neighbour!) . Whether its neighbours downstairs complaining about people working in the morning or slightly later in the evening. Whether its about people working over the weekend or people working in the basement!!

I fail to understand what they seem to think? Do they think that its ok for us to stick to their schedules to finish our civil and carpentary work at the cost of our lives being effected due to the work?? Or are they so deluded that they actually think we ought not to disturb their freaking peace by hammering away. I mean, I do understand the fact that constant work is annoying especially one thats prolonged, but what the heck is complaining going to achieve?? Instead of what can be achieved in 2 weeks will only take another 4 weeks at the rate at which we were forced to carry on. But i doubt if such logical reasonings even occur to some morons.. I wonder if they even pause to think how much of commotion they themselves must have caused when they were getting any work done is their homes, but I guess all that is soo long ago that they think that was finee...

Anyhoo, coming back to my point, this huge corporate office next to our community is building its second campus right next to us. I am sure they have their own deadlines and all that, coz of which work is happening in shifts round the clock. The association of my community is hell bent of sending complaint mail one after the other to tell them to stop working in the night (or if they just could, ask them to stop working all construction work!). It started with reasons like - too much of dust, too much of screaming from the workers, too many mosquitos because of the water stagnant in the construction site, too much of machinery noise disturbing children who have exams (what the???) and of course most importantly people losing sleep..

My bedroom is actually facing the construction site and believe me I get the noise first hand but honestly its not something so ground shattering that I can't live with.

There are people from far off blocks who seem to be so affected that they want to talk to the corporate managers to put an end to this issue.

Now, i really dont understand this. Any health hazard- yes, any pollution hazard- yes, any security hazard- yes.. But seriously, construction activity to be toned down just coz you cant sleep peacefully since the last 6 months ?? Come one, people should have gotten so used to it now that it shouldn't even be effecting anybody..

I actually sent an email to this yahoo group (association) today asking them to consider our tolerance levels. Even if we were staying in an independent house and if our neighbour was constructing his house, what would you do ?? Ask him to go slow ? ask him to stop working in the nights or weekends ?? Or ask him to put a muffler on all their machineries ??

What the hell is wrong with world today??

Unfamiliar experiences.

No matter how much you think things will be manageable and of course you will get used to it, the first steps are always difficult. I guess the very reason why we even think - Oh how difficult can that be, is either because you haven't been in that situation ever before or you have been in the similiar situation so many zillion years ago that you don't even remember how hard it was in the first place.

I think I am going thru a multitude of such feelings, a certain separation anxiety about leaving a work place I have literally called a second home for the last 8 and a half years, a sense of confusion and chaos regarding a new work place- which not only is chaotic in nature/culture but its also breeds a culture of extreme self sustenance.

Its probably not as bad as I imagine it to be, So I guess its the fatalist/pessimist in me making rash impressions as usual :). I really need to learn to adapt better, I have never been good with any kind of change in life, whether it was routine, pattern or even people around me. I always tend to cling on...

Anyhoo, on a slightly brighter note, my new apartment is finally ready for occupation !! Yippeee.. After 5 hard months of persuations and negotiations, its finally in a livable and hospitable state. Of course, there is still a long way to go before it looks lived in or for that matter before I unpack too :p (I had bloody 10 suitcases and 10 cartons of stuff!!). Till then getting used to yet another un familiar experience of living in my 'OWN' house. Its definitely a high to see each and every bit of square footage bought by you and with things bought by you. Its definitely not a feeling I am used to , but its definitely something I can get used to :))

Will be posting snaps soon :))

Post lunch read

This is beyond funny!! Its ... its...

Om....

Its been a week of introspection, and of course a workshop. I went into it thinking - Oh one of those soft skills workshop which I dont' need but my boss insists that I go for some workshop coz its in my objectives!
But at the end of 2 days, I admit I did come back with a small but significant take back. It reinforced my belief about how life is nothing but a long winding road of choices. Choices that we see, choices we don't, choices we choose to make, choices we don't even realize that we are making and above all choices that really tell a lot about the kind of person that you are.

Consider a beggar at the traffic signal, you reaction and subsequent action not only tells you about the kind of values/belief system you have, but also tells you about the conditioning you have , which makes you choose an action that follows.

I think more than anything, I have probably become a lot more self aware in terms of looking at even the smallest of things that I do, because they involve these choices and decisions that I am talking about. There is a pattern in it, definitely a significant pattern, which tells me more about myself. Sometimes things that I don't like and probably don't like to hear.

To cite some examples, I realize that I am not good at receiving a direct compliment (not the, "ah that bag is really nice or those earrings look nice on you" types! But more like, "wow you are quite creative" types.. I really find myself at loss when it comes to reacting at a qualitative feedback. More often than not, I find myself not graciously accepting it but side stepping it altogether and probably even be-little it ,like - "Oh that was nothing at all, I am sure you can do the same thing"!

When I dig deeper I can definitely see how when we were kids we were not really given direct qualitative feedbacks like that, not to say that my family did not believe in appreciation or that I had zero talent (:p) but just that for some reason they probably thought appreciation should not be given directly coz it may cause some sense of arrogance in the kid. So, even now my mum would say to other people - "Oh you ahould take Rads along for shopping, she is really good at picking nice things out." But to date she will never say that to me! So, you see its difficult for me to react to appreaciation like that coz I am just not used to it .

I think its good to realize these things because it makes you a lot more aware of yourself and even gives you that window of oppurtunity to maybe do something different if you wish to.

At the same time, I realize the importance of being able to see choices along the way. Whether its picking up that shoe just because its on sale or whether its deciding to go out for drinks with someone or a group that you don't know so well. At the risk of sounding preachy, there are options and choices for us at any given point in time. Even at times when we really can't see beyond something. Even when something looks really obvious. And maybe even when you don't think you need a choice or that is there is a conscious decision to be taken.