Can women have it all..

A thought I have been chewing upon for a while now, nicely put across by soumya here. There are reasons i didn't put across anything out there. More than anything i think it was the mental block of not being able to get into the shoes of the working or non working mums out there. And its a valid point because, no matter what i think or say, there could always be someone who will step up to say, you know what- you cannot know what we go thru because you cannot relate to it. And I agree, I don't relate to it because I am not a mum and I am not in that predicament really.

But, does not mean, I cannot empathize..

As a woman, I believe, these are issues that you always tend to think about with or without having children. Any woman who is also a professional has had this thought process at some point or other in her life.

And its a very very pertinent chain of thoughts because they help deciding how your family will shape in the future. And I think thats huge !

Not many know that every working mother out there is guilt ridden, there is and always will be a small 'what if's' kinda conversation that she will have in her head at some point of time. I know.. my mother has worked all her life. When I was growing up, I guess i never really talked to her about it but now I think she is more comfortable in sharing those thoughts with me.

I remember when I was in school, there was this mid afternoon radio chat show which wanted to talk to students with working mums and by some quirk of fate I was chosen. I was asked how it felt to have a mum who worked. And for some reason, they always make it sound like a drudge-y and quite a helpless situation. I begged to differ and said not every woman out there is working because she has to work. There are many who work because they like to, because they have a passion for what they do. I still think its an alien concept for the typical indian mentality to fathom that idea, The concept that a woman will chose to have a career, in fact chose a career despite the fact that she has a family to take care of. Its an alien concept that woman can successfully have both and if it comes down to it, can make her choices or priorities and stick to it.
Anyways, i proudly told the world in that radio show that I was proud to have a working mum and cited instances where i thought i was empowered to be independent and confident due to fact that mum was not around. My mum heard that show and burst into tears.

I was baffled. I wondered why she would break down like that. I insisted that I meant it in a good way, and i was really proud of her. She just looked at me and said, you know the thought that I am never around when you come back from school breaks my heart.
I didn't know what to say to her then, i was just 16 and not a very articulate person. I wish I had the maturity i have today to talk to her, I wish i had responded saying- You know what, no matter what, you made me a better person by just letting us fend for ourselves. I dont think I would be half this independent or capable of having and holding my own if not for you to look up to. You taught me that women could have it all and still raise children who are independent enough to make their life's decisions themselves and mature enough to be accountable for every decision whether it was right or wrong. That itself is a huge achievement any one person can hold a claim to.

At the threshold of settling down so to speak and start a family (in the distant future, with emphasis on distant), I find myself digesting all this and more.

Some insightful thoughts in Soumya's blog which talks about the lack of a support system, lack of men stepping up to part-take that raising children responsibility. But I think her blog is mostly about stay at home mums and working mums.
What do I aspire to be, you may ask.. I want to be a working mum who has the choice of staying at home if she so wishes.

Baffled? Well, i guess I mean professionally be able to work from home whenever I want to. I completely understand that this solution/proposition is not for women in all professional spheres. Its probably a choice that you see very seldom existing in this world, but by virtue of being in an IT world, its possible. And i think in some ways, I am working my butt off right now, so that I can enjoy that privilege when it comes to it. Some jobs, sorry most jobs do not allow people to work from home, some jobs are just not feasible.

Which is why I think a lot of corporates and organizations out there need to understand and respect a woman's choice to work and raise a family in parallel and more importantly in tandem with each other. I think working from home in a lot of ways may improve efficiency, less time wasted in travel, less office chit chats and most importantly the peace of mind to know that you are keeping an eye over your family. A quick trip to office maybe once a week or on need basis when you have an important meeting is not too much to ask for. I think many IT companies out there are beginning to encourage that and I think its a brilliant trend. A professional woman who goes on maternity leave or takes a break when she has a kid should not be looked upon as a potential gap to fill for the other male colleagues around her. And no, its not such an unimaginable thought, I see it happen all around me. No matter how much we progress I feel sad to say that some men in this world regress even as I type this.

There are men out there (fortunately not too many of them) who still think that they are more deserving on a job or a position simply because they are men and historically speaking they 'need' to work to support a family and a woman 'doesn't need to'. Its sad....I had this uncle in my street who was in a supervisor position at an educational institution and he told me this long ago- If a man and a woman come in to my office for a job, I would rather give it to that man even if he is less qualified because if he gets the job, the whole family is provided for. While, if I give it to the woman, I am just enabling a family to live a notch better.

Very insightful I must say, and he said it with a lot of conviction. We went into quite a bit of tangent after that debating about what if the woman was a single mother or about the choice which one must make depending on who is the most deserving and not the most needful. But anyways, I digress. The point was to emphasize on the fact that there is a certain frivolous tone associated with working women in our country.

Sad to say, I am not sure when we will overcome that. I think its easier to overcome demons who are physical manifestations of the degenerate thought system we have rather than the inner demons in our heads.

The support system that Soumya talks about for a mother, should not just remain a support system of friends and family. I think the society and the thereby the country needs to become that support system that we lack today.

The support system which enables a woman to make her life choices and not be riddled with guilt on the account of choosing one thing over another. Despite the fact that I personally think guilt is a hell-sent gift women are born with, and I think thats because nature intended them to be the nurturers no matter what. And when you divulge even .1% from being that, guilt ensues.

Feminism is not about a women competing with men in this patriarchal world, in fact its about the empowerment of a woman to be able to make her own life choices, without being subjected to prejudices or archaic notions, and co-exist as a partner with men.