Bumped into this friend of mine yesterday by chance. She didnt know that I was back and i also had not bothered to ping her saying I am back. Why ? Well, for one, i somehow didn't really think she would be interested. But when she saw me i felt there was something in her eyes which said, why didn't you tell me. Maybe i was just imagining things. After so long, I dont really expect anything from her and i think its likewise as far as she is concerned. I wish things were different. I wish, i had mailed her saying I am going to be back and make plans to meet and all that. I wish I had called her after landing and asked her what she was doing. I didn't so much as ask her how she was doing and it had nothing to do with me being in a hurry or lack of interest. It just didn't happen. In fact, i think there was a weird moment of discomfort where I didn't know where to look. There is just that much of gap between us now.
But there is somewhere a part of me which longs for old times. Something in me which wants to sit with her in the EC lawn all over again and talk about things that she did or I did. Talk about men and women part of our lives. Talk about things we don't care about and the ones we would never give up. Talk about happiness, dreams and things we want. I would like her to tell me what is making her happy or sad now, right this moment. I want to tell her that I am there if she wants a shoulder to cry on, I want to tell her that i have always been there. I want to aplogise if it didn't seem like I cared. I want to say I am sorry if you needed me but felt you couldn't reach out. I want to share my happiness with her, talk about the wedding, apprehensions and aspirations. I want to tell her that I felt hurt when i didn't think she was happy for me. I want her to see that I am happy now and that I know she cares somewhere deep down. I want to tell her that I care too..
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