Monday, February 14, 2005
ps: I miss you
Woken up at about 8-ish in the morning (much to my chagrin), leo sayers crooning 'love you more than i can say'. First thought that comes to my head is- 'why has this person called me and then put me on hold?' !! I actually hang up !!
Ok, so thats my romance quotient for you folks!
Hubby dear calls me back this time and is careful enough to say hello after about 2 seconds of playing the song again cautiously :-)
Thats him, my ever romantic hubby :-)
My being almost quite non-romatically inclined doesn't deter him in anyway whatsoever. He's the kind who doesn't need an excuse or any special day to make me feel special. He laps any day, any event to make me feel completely cherished, be it with words or with numerous teeny weeny gifts he manages to pick and weave words around them to create magic !
This post is for him, for all that he has brought to my life and for all those thoughtful things he keeps doing.
Its mush an more mush all around today, FM blaring love songs since morning and people messaging to proclaim their love for each other. Look back at the time when this day was all about excitement, gifts, flowers, chocolates and not to mention those cliche teddy bears. Its not anymore :-) I think about all the messages that were read out on FM and think about all the people out there in love.
I wonder (a-la dil to pagal hai shahrukh khan)- how many of these will actually say the same thing next year to the same person. Call me cynical but this world is, in a way, quite cynicism evoking place :-) I think back on all those times when I might have heard this being said to me. But today, after all these years, I can completely truthfully and wholeheartedly say that I can actually feel it when hubby tells me he loves me..
Its not about the fun part in a relationship (which is important in its own way and is very appealing), its not about how similiar you are, its not about how much you feel you love the person, its not about what your friends say about him.But..
It is all about that sense of stability the person inspires in you,
its about how cherished the person makes you feel,
its about that hand over your shoulder when you suddenly felt alone,
its about that look in the eye which says- don't worry, I'll take care of it,
its about getting up at dawn to finish your personal/official work so that the whole day can be spent with the person you feel deserves that time of yours,
its about trusting someone in complete faith when you are oceans apart,
its about letting go when you can see that something is really important for the other person even if it means a little compromise on your part,
its about putting the other person's happiness before yours and taking comfort in the fact that in reality you are most happy when the other person is and not just on being able to do what you wanted to,
its about waking up together and knowing that each day will be better than the other,
its about the twang in your heart when the person is dissapointed about something and wishing you could give the world to him,
its about collective decisions, collective happiness, collective grief and that moment of realization where you figure that from now on its "We" and never "I"....
For all this and more, sweetie I thank you...
ps: and will try and forgive you for your parting words to my mum the day before we left for the wedding - "Aunty, don't worry, she is no longer your 'Problem'" !!!!
.......and the fact that you are like zillion miles away right now !!
Thursday, February 10, 2005
26
Yup, thats the number :-) Turned 26 this wednesday.
It hadn't struck me till today that I have actually moved to the next slot in all age drop downs :p
Was filling out some online form today and realized I can no longer select 20-25 option any more :-))
To top it all my manager wanted me to update my resume and stretch the no. of years of experience bit a bit (ya, they do this often here :p ) So he goes like this
he: So, how many years of experience have you put in?
me: 5+
he: Can you strech it a bit?
me: 5 1/2? (smirk!)
he: Lets make it 6
He leaves and it strikes me that its not even an exxageration, this actually is my 6th year in this organization !
Maybe, it was not my imagination when some campus recruits last week called me 'madam' !
This friend of mine takes immense pleasure in rubbing it in that my life for all practical purposes is over, I am past quarter century, married and bought a house! Really, nothing left. In fact he called me up at 12 sharp on my birthday and goes "Happy Birthday dearie, so how does it feel to be 36??" !!
Hari, will kill you one of these days :-)))
It hadn't struck me till today that I have actually moved to the next slot in all age drop downs :p
Was filling out some online form today and realized I can no longer select 20-25 option any more :-))
To top it all my manager wanted me to update my resume and stretch the no. of years of experience bit a bit (ya, they do this often here :p ) So he goes like this
he: So, how many years of experience have you put in?
me: 5+
he: Can you strech it a bit?
me: 5 1/2? (smirk!)
he: Lets make it 6
He leaves and it strikes me that its not even an exxageration, this actually is my 6th year in this organization !
Maybe, it was not my imagination when some campus recruits last week called me 'madam' !
This friend of mine takes immense pleasure in rubbing it in that my life for all practical purposes is over, I am past quarter century, married and bought a house! Really, nothing left. In fact he called me up at 12 sharp on my birthday and goes "Happy Birthday dearie, so how does it feel to be 36??" !!
Hari, will kill you one of these days :-)))
Monday, February 07, 2005
wanted !
Searching my soul last night realized that I need new friends and more importantly a new best friend. You might ask why, considering its not like I am moving to a new planet or anything. Just that I figure out of the existing lot, some are busy, some fell out and some .. well, lets just say not very accessible right now. I am not complaining though, believe me. I am just trying to see how this whole thing works. Considering I have never before set out something like this before voluntarily, it needs a bit of thinking about.
All this soul searching made me think about this whole process of finding and making friends from its very inception. Flash back to kindergarten, things were simple. The person next to you could be your friend or even your 'best' friend if - they let you share their lunch box, they give you their pencil just coz you liked it , you both like to snicker a lot when someone asks you anything, if he or she lived in the same colony if not the same building, or even for the simple fact that they just sit beside you everyday.
I must say, we have come a long way since then. Things have gotten complicated somewhere along the way. I know some people who have been friends literally since they were in their diapers. They still are the best of friends till date. Then there are some who (ok like me) have a set of friends for every season, for every phase in life.
I believe in splitting your life in various phases. (of course makes it easier to remember also- hmm ya during that long hair phase of mine, oh ya during that rebellious phase of mine and not to mention some quite unmentionable ones :p). Looking back, I feel I have had friends for like every 4 years, as in a new set of friends. I am not saying all the old ones are gone and forgotten. Of course not, am still in touch with ol school buddies and catch up online pretty often. But of course we are talking about new ones that came by.
Made a few new friends last year, some really sweet ones. But they were all circumstantial so to speak, as in, i wouldn't have even met them if not for certain events. But ya, no complaints, I completely adore everything they stand for. But ya in a lot of ways, I was glad to see that I was open to finding new people to be a part of my personal sphere. Its not easy to assimilate new people into your lives at all. But somehow they all fit in, whether it was someone I could talk to way into wee hours of morning or the one at work who i bonded with mainly coz he was also an asian i think :p or they one i stayed with for almost a month, he was a real sweet guy! They all fit in so perfectly. I mean, you would normally think that as you grow older it becomes more and more difficult to make new friends, either because you are by then so set in your ways that you are not that open to new adjustments that new people bring in, or simply because as you make your way thru life you inclination and effort you want to spend meeting new people drastically reduces. I do thank god, it wasn't so and because of that, I have new friends who I exchange mails with or chat with every alternate day and it brightens my day!
Well, if there are so many people in my life, you might wonder I am still talking about making new friends. Well, as I said before, these are not accessible people ! hello ! So, ya, we have established that I need people around me who are accessible (ok, you know not just physically but also emotionally available). Being emotionally available is such a huge thing on top of my list now. Call it learning from experience or whatever, there is this friend of mine who is so bogged down by her personal problems (which I do not want to comment on), that the person is almost emotionally unavailable to most people. Its like life revolves around what happened and what should have happened. I am not judging here even for a moment but I do really and truly believe that you have to be ready to accept what life throws your way before expecting life to throw anything to you, being so preoccupied doesn't really help. anyways, lesser said about that the better.
So, now time to think about everything I want as qualities in the person, hmmm lets see I think most importantly I want somebody whose definition of friendship is closest to mine. I could rattle off about how a person should be but obviously its not a matrimonial column here and believe me you put up with lot less in a friendship :p (sorry honey) :-)
After all these years of making/keeping friends, i realize that i am still talking to people whose definitions are closer to mine than anything else. Its not about how we talk/interact with each other. Its not about what they have done for you and likewise. Its not about how similiar you are to each other in whatever ways. Its a little about what is acceptable to both of you and what is not. Its a little about what I think matters most in any relationship and the person feels at least 80% of that. A lot of relationships/friendships fall out (according to me) because there are certain things that are ok by you but are not ok by the other person. Of course you always have a right to comment/state your opinion but I think if I come across something thats so not ok with me, it somewhere crosses a small yellow line and borders on inducing judgement. I think how much ever you say your friends don't judge you, I think just about every individual in this world judges everybody else in one way or the other. Its just about the moral and social fibre your pysche is made up of. It forms the basic structure of anything in your mind and anything that completely disagrees with that, causes a conflict to some extent. How you chose to deal with it is entirely up to you. Some people can contain it much better than others believe me. There is this friend of mine who is a super listener according to everybody. Does that mean she agrees and empathises with all that you say with every nod of her head? Certainly not, a lot of times she might even say that when talking about someone but she is just built like that, someone who listens and looks apparently quite non judgemental!
Lesser conflicts are the building blocks for a good friendship. At this juncture of our lives, we Are quite set in our ways and have lesser and lesser tolerance for things we don't like. Its just as well if we end up avoiding people who bring about a sense of unsettling in you. I have done that and believe me I have no regrets. I feel like a better person :-)
A good friend will also stand by you no matter what. There are people around you who will say I did that because you know, I should have, for her/him. I mean I am sure she/he will do the same for me. You know what, I am not sure if I even like that. Doing something because you think the other person will reciprocate is not a good enough reason for you to do it. Obligations are fine in all other social spheres in life but not in a friendship. Thats just sad. I want to stand by my friend because plain and simple I Want to not because i should or any such thing. At that point I am not going to think about what would happen if roles were reversed or whatever. You have to want to be there and stand by your friend. There is a fine line of distinction here which a lot of people don't realize.
I could go on but I think these things are the mandatory in my list and not subject to compromise :-) They say that friends are so precious because family you are born into but you personally choose your friends and I agree completely.
ps: Just an after thought but something inside me just popped a question about would I /should I still be going around looking for new friends even post wedding. Does your hubby automatically become your closest pal? I agree to a large extent but yeah debatable :-))
All this soul searching made me think about this whole process of finding and making friends from its very inception. Flash back to kindergarten, things were simple. The person next to you could be your friend or even your 'best' friend if - they let you share their lunch box, they give you their pencil just coz you liked it , you both like to snicker a lot when someone asks you anything, if he or she lived in the same colony if not the same building, or even for the simple fact that they just sit beside you everyday.
I must say, we have come a long way since then. Things have gotten complicated somewhere along the way. I know some people who have been friends literally since they were in their diapers. They still are the best of friends till date. Then there are some who (ok like me) have a set of friends for every season, for every phase in life.
I believe in splitting your life in various phases. (of course makes it easier to remember also- hmm ya during that long hair phase of mine, oh ya during that rebellious phase of mine and not to mention some quite unmentionable ones :p). Looking back, I feel I have had friends for like every 4 years, as in a new set of friends. I am not saying all the old ones are gone and forgotten. Of course not, am still in touch with ol school buddies and catch up online pretty often. But of course we are talking about new ones that came by.
Made a few new friends last year, some really sweet ones. But they were all circumstantial so to speak, as in, i wouldn't have even met them if not for certain events. But ya, no complaints, I completely adore everything they stand for. But ya in a lot of ways, I was glad to see that I was open to finding new people to be a part of my personal sphere. Its not easy to assimilate new people into your lives at all. But somehow they all fit in, whether it was someone I could talk to way into wee hours of morning or the one at work who i bonded with mainly coz he was also an asian i think :p or they one i stayed with for almost a month, he was a real sweet guy! They all fit in so perfectly. I mean, you would normally think that as you grow older it becomes more and more difficult to make new friends, either because you are by then so set in your ways that you are not that open to new adjustments that new people bring in, or simply because as you make your way thru life you inclination and effort you want to spend meeting new people drastically reduces. I do thank god, it wasn't so and because of that, I have new friends who I exchange mails with or chat with every alternate day and it brightens my day!
Well, if there are so many people in my life, you might wonder I am still talking about making new friends. Well, as I said before, these are not accessible people ! hello ! So, ya, we have established that I need people around me who are accessible (ok, you know not just physically but also emotionally available). Being emotionally available is such a huge thing on top of my list now. Call it learning from experience or whatever, there is this friend of mine who is so bogged down by her personal problems (which I do not want to comment on), that the person is almost emotionally unavailable to most people. Its like life revolves around what happened and what should have happened. I am not judging here even for a moment but I do really and truly believe that you have to be ready to accept what life throws your way before expecting life to throw anything to you, being so preoccupied doesn't really help. anyways, lesser said about that the better.
So, now time to think about everything I want as qualities in the person, hmmm lets see I think most importantly I want somebody whose definition of friendship is closest to mine. I could rattle off about how a person should be but obviously its not a matrimonial column here and believe me you put up with lot less in a friendship :p (sorry honey) :-)
After all these years of making/keeping friends, i realize that i am still talking to people whose definitions are closer to mine than anything else. Its not about how we talk/interact with each other. Its not about what they have done for you and likewise. Its not about how similiar you are to each other in whatever ways. Its a little about what is acceptable to both of you and what is not. Its a little about what I think matters most in any relationship and the person feels at least 80% of that. A lot of relationships/friendships fall out (according to me) because there are certain things that are ok by you but are not ok by the other person. Of course you always have a right to comment/state your opinion but I think if I come across something thats so not ok with me, it somewhere crosses a small yellow line and borders on inducing judgement. I think how much ever you say your friends don't judge you, I think just about every individual in this world judges everybody else in one way or the other. Its just about the moral and social fibre your pysche is made up of. It forms the basic structure of anything in your mind and anything that completely disagrees with that, causes a conflict to some extent. How you chose to deal with it is entirely up to you. Some people can contain it much better than others believe me. There is this friend of mine who is a super listener according to everybody. Does that mean she agrees and empathises with all that you say with every nod of her head? Certainly not, a lot of times she might even say that when talking about someone but she is just built like that, someone who listens and looks apparently quite non judgemental!
Lesser conflicts are the building blocks for a good friendship. At this juncture of our lives, we Are quite set in our ways and have lesser and lesser tolerance for things we don't like. Its just as well if we end up avoiding people who bring about a sense of unsettling in you. I have done that and believe me I have no regrets. I feel like a better person :-)
A good friend will also stand by you no matter what. There are people around you who will say I did that because you know, I should have, for her/him. I mean I am sure she/he will do the same for me. You know what, I am not sure if I even like that. Doing something because you think the other person will reciprocate is not a good enough reason for you to do it. Obligations are fine in all other social spheres in life but not in a friendship. Thats just sad. I want to stand by my friend because plain and simple I Want to not because i should or any such thing. At that point I am not going to think about what would happen if roles were reversed or whatever. You have to want to be there and stand by your friend. There is a fine line of distinction here which a lot of people don't realize.
I could go on but I think these things are the mandatory in my list and not subject to compromise :-) They say that friends are so precious because family you are born into but you personally choose your friends and I agree completely.
ps: Just an after thought but something inside me just popped a question about would I /should I still be going around looking for new friends even post wedding. Does your hubby automatically become your closest pal? I agree to a large extent but yeah debatable :-))
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