The secret society

Just happened to watch Oprah today on the hallmark, "The truth about motherhood" special and I said to myself, this is it ! This is what I was searching for. There were people who actually felt that there is a secret society of motherhood out there who are sworn to secrecy by the brethren. They all know what it entails, the highs and lows. They know what to watch out for and more importantly they know what was not told to them by the women around with best interests, best friends, awesome moms (in law). But they don't seem to propagate that pool of information !

Of course the alternate theory that I have is that they have absolute temporary amnesia (something that lasts from the time, the test is +ve to when the kid is about 2) !
For the most parts the show was about experience of motherhood, which I can't really comment about, I still have 6 more weeks to go (almost there !). But the general consensus was that as a clan, we need to prepare our fellow members on what to expect truly and be honest, really honest about how it may not be so rosy after all ..

But here's a show where people are at least acknowledging the fact that there are tons of things that people, ahem women, never tell you about ! Maybe for good, as it may really turn you into a paranoid creature from hell or convince you to continue that pill that you were almost gonna stop :P

Anyways, it has me convinced that women either feel bad about talking about the things that they struggle with (probably coz we traditionally don't like to think that motherhood can be so daunting or that some of us actually struggle to get it right, or worse, some of us dont actually get it !), Or that after the baby comes, they are so much in awe of all the changes including the lovely being in front of them, that somehow magically everything else fades into the background.

I am not sure exactly what the reason is, I think I have spoken to people of all sorts in the last 7 odd months (amazing how it seems almost natural to reach out to other preggo women or women with infants and share things so openly, that you wouldn't even dream of otherwise !). E.g.

1. Women who actually claimed to sleepwalk during the entire 9 months of pregnancy - I mean, come on ? Were u on grass the whole time? How can you actually say that it was all a daze ? Well, I don't actually doubt them coz they don't seem to remember a single negative incident or experience during that time. Everything based on all evidence was a smooth roll. I doubt the very judgement of some people having such blessed lives !

2. Women who gush from the very moment who announce that they are having a baby till the time, they actually display the aforementioned baby - How is so much gushing possible ? As a couple, between us, I don't think we have so much of cumulative gush capacity. And from the first day onwards, they sort of make a promise to themselves that they are gonna be the epitome of supreme motherhood. Who will remain cheerful and take everything in their stride.
When my home kit turned positive, i called hubby to say - "You know what, the test is positive" in the most sombre tone (please note, not I am pregnant or we are having a baby, woohooo ! But the test was positive). Darling hubby believe it or not actually says - "Umm.. am in a meeting, can I call you back ?" Thats our gushing quotient for you ! Not that we are not happy or very excited at the prospect, we are ! Just that we just don't seem to have the gushing capability as some. This ones since then become a long standing joke and has gone into our baby's book as well. God bless the kid :).

3. Women who say "when the baby comes, you will forget everything and nothing else will matter " - I am almost willing to give the benefit of doubt here coz maybe they just got so completely steamrolled that everything did fade in to the background. But when you look back at it, at least then you should be able to remember the testing times right ? Whats your excuse then missy ?

4. An alternate version of the above where women say "When the baby comes, you will know exactly what to do" - Really ? How , magic ? I think more than the fact that mommies all around kinda get this magical mommy ability to do things, its the other way around. The babies actually get used to whatever we dole out as maternal instincts.. I am sure the wailing, colicky baby after 2 hours is like - Ok so that's your solution ? I guess I will just have to make do with it and out of sheer exhaustion, just stops bawling its heart out ! The poor mother at which point is busy celebrating her maternal instincts victory.

5. The one who does and feels as per the book - There is this friend of mine who wallows in the warmth of maternal feelings. She is a mature and a super intelligent woman, but when it comes to babies, she actually has said things like "After 9 months of carrying and nurturing the baby, I wanted to feel the pain of childbirth" (??!!), Maybe its just me, but I find it very difficult to understand or digest these kind of statements. Who willingly asks for pain ? She did go thru it mind you, valiantly as well. Full 11 hours of labour. I do want to believe that i super love the baby inside of me to bits, but do i really crave the feeling of labour ? As much as its a natural process, I don't think so ! It frightens the bejesus out of me ..

Before anybody else from the mommy brigade jumps on me, pliss to note that I do acknowledge that maybe its just me !

6. The ones who have an opinion about everything (and do not hesitate to share unsolicited opinions) - So annoying isn't it ! You don;t have a baby yet? You havent taken off from work yet ? You haven't bought any baby books ? You actually like ultrasounds ? You have a preference of gender ? You bought the baby stuff so soon ? You are planning to be a working mom ? aww.. the list is endless.. Why don't we display some kind of solidarity here ? I mean we all go thru our own set of challenges, why then don't we stop judging other women and just be supportive ?

7. The ha ha ones - You know these are the ones who always leave ha ha messages for you on chats/ facebook etc.. Haha you better shop while u can, soon you will not be able to budge from that room ! Haha you miss sleep now, wait till the max you can sleep at a stretch is 45 mins :P Haha, you sucker you, think that baby of yours is gonna be nice and quiet and sleep thru the nite, it will wreak havoc in your life and u will just feel like killing yourself ! (ok, no one actually said the last one, but some of them sort of hinted it :p). But I will give them some credit because in their own ways, they acknowledge that they didnt have it so easy as well :)

But more importantly, why don't we share the scary things and talk about the gross stuff, the depressing stuff, the infuriating stuff, the one from the blue stuff ? The ones that really really prepares us for whats to come ahead ...