Anybody heard of the song 'jab nahin aaye the tum'? Posted the lyrics a few days back here :-)
Its just sooooo stuck in my head!
I haven't had a song stuck for this long ever! I really don't know why, its not really like a masterpiece or anything nor is catchy enough.
But what it is, is exteremly endearing with really sweet lyrics.. There are 2 versions of the song for the uninitiated. One actually sung by Kareena Kapoor and one by Kavitha Krish. Out of the 2 suprisingly i prefer the one by kareena. Its really sweet, sung decently and actually gives you the feeling of a young girl just singing to herself. The mood created is perfect.
And I will definitely give her the credit for singing it quite decently. I hadn't realized that it was a difficult song till i started humming it myself! The song itself is not that diff and if a diff singer had sung it, probabably would have made a hell of a lot of a difference. But the sheer reason that instead you have to follow how kareena has sung it is compelling enough. You can sense this a lot more when you listen to the other version by kavitha. There are places where even her voice is sounding stretchy to keep up with the song and keeping it as close to the original version by kareena.
But all in all, sheer pleasure to listen to this song :-) Definitely recommended!
Friday, April 29, 2005
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
bicker bicker..
Last week hubby and I talked about my ex after a long time. Well, its not like he was ever a fav topic of convo or anything but we had our usual exes convo long back. Its been ages since then and then suddenly his name came up. I really can't remember why or how. It just did. But it didn't feel that awkward to talk about him. In fact I felt ok telling hubby about his new gf and how things had been. Ok, maybe feeling ok was a bit of exaggeration, lets just say it was relatively easier than before. We have always maintained an open view of my previous relationship but its not always easy to talk about certain things isn't it?
Coping with an ex is never an easy job. Esp if the relationship was complicated or spanning a few years. Things get murkier if it wasn't a summer fling or that teen romance. Unfortnately for me, it was a mix of just about all that. Some good times and some very bad times. Time when i realized I had grown up, times when I realized he was moving on. All very very complicated. There is still a lot of spite. Surpisingly so because its all seems so much like a life i no longer recognize anymore. But its very disconcerting to see myself swinging between the two extremes of indifference and spite. Unlike me in some ways but also a lot like me when you think deeply.
I was chatting with Mr ex. the other day and it was a very casual conversation, almost bordering on making a polite conversation and suddenly from somewhere was this statement which reeked of "Thats so typical of you". I got busy soon after that and let it slip but it got lodged somewhere in my head and disturbed me later when I was alone and musing.
A previous relationship especially when you don't want to have anything to do with the person can be shut deep down and forgotten. But there are things which you can't get away from. Something as inherent as spending a few years with somebody directly implies the person knows you for what you are and thats something you can't refute. It was someone you had spent time talking about hopes and dreams. Someone you grew up with over time. These are somethings you cannot run away from and I was trying to fight a losing battle over this.
I guess things might be easier if it was not nasty and both parties parting amicably. Sigh.. thats worse than wishful thinking, thats wishful thinking in past tense !!
Have i grown up since then ? yes.. have i become a better person since then? Yes... Am i better off now? More than ever. I am at a state happiest than ever before in my life. Did I do the right thing? Most definitely. That would have been the worst mistake of my life and I would not be married to the single most adorable person in the world!
I cannot even relate to what i felt in those days but yes, a part of me misses the person I was back then. Of course I cannot wish to be 22 again :-) But yeah, life has changed in more ways than one. Looking back I see someone different from this person I see in the mirror now a days. When I turn back, I see this girl full of life, hyperactive and extremely impulsive. Life was all about instant decisions and things done in the blink of an eye. Do I miss that? maybe, maybe not.. all those things make me a wiser person today. I am still impulsive but I do pause for a moment to take stock, something I never did in those days. But somewhere that hyperactive girl ready for anything at a moments notice is definitely gone. ..Maybe I am growing up, maybe its all a part of life and this is how its meant to be.
But why is there a vague sense of unsettling? Why is there so much spite? I don't know. Maybe time is the answer.
Maybe I have too much of it :p Maybe thats the problem right there!
Coping with an ex is never an easy job. Esp if the relationship was complicated or spanning a few years. Things get murkier if it wasn't a summer fling or that teen romance. Unfortnately for me, it was a mix of just about all that. Some good times and some very bad times. Time when i realized I had grown up, times when I realized he was moving on. All very very complicated. There is still a lot of spite. Surpisingly so because its all seems so much like a life i no longer recognize anymore. But its very disconcerting to see myself swinging between the two extremes of indifference and spite. Unlike me in some ways but also a lot like me when you think deeply.
I was chatting with Mr ex. the other day and it was a very casual conversation, almost bordering on making a polite conversation and suddenly from somewhere was this statement which reeked of "Thats so typical of you". I got busy soon after that and let it slip but it got lodged somewhere in my head and disturbed me later when I was alone and musing.
A previous relationship especially when you don't want to have anything to do with the person can be shut deep down and forgotten. But there are things which you can't get away from. Something as inherent as spending a few years with somebody directly implies the person knows you for what you are and thats something you can't refute. It was someone you had spent time talking about hopes and dreams. Someone you grew up with over time. These are somethings you cannot run away from and I was trying to fight a losing battle over this.
I guess things might be easier if it was not nasty and both parties parting amicably. Sigh.. thats worse than wishful thinking, thats wishful thinking in past tense !!
Have i grown up since then ? yes.. have i become a better person since then? Yes... Am i better off now? More than ever. I am at a state happiest than ever before in my life. Did I do the right thing? Most definitely. That would have been the worst mistake of my life and I would not be married to the single most adorable person in the world!
I cannot even relate to what i felt in those days but yes, a part of me misses the person I was back then. Of course I cannot wish to be 22 again :-) But yeah, life has changed in more ways than one. Looking back I see someone different from this person I see in the mirror now a days. When I turn back, I see this girl full of life, hyperactive and extremely impulsive. Life was all about instant decisions and things done in the blink of an eye. Do I miss that? maybe, maybe not.. all those things make me a wiser person today. I am still impulsive but I do pause for a moment to take stock, something I never did in those days. But somewhere that hyperactive girl ready for anything at a moments notice is definitely gone. ..Maybe I am growing up, maybe its all a part of life and this is how its meant to be.
But why is there a vague sense of unsettling? Why is there so much spite? I don't know. Maybe time is the answer.
Maybe I have too much of it :p Maybe thats the problem right there!
Monday, April 25, 2005
Jab nahin aaye
Jab nahin aaye the tum
tab bhi mere saath the tum
dil mein dhadkan ki tarah, tan mein jeevan ki tarah
meri dharti mere mausam mere din raat the tum
jab nahin aaye the tum...
phool khilte the to aati thi tumhaari khushboo
har hasin shaam jagati thi tumhaara jadoo
aaine mein mere har din ki mulakaat the tum
dil mein dhadkan ki tarah, tan mein jeevan ki tarah
meri dharti mere mausam mere din raat the tum
jab nahin aaye the tum...
adhmundhi aankh mein sajta hua ek khwaab the tum
pehli barsaat mein bheega mahtaab the tum
hont mere the magar inki har ek baat the tum
dil mein dhadkan ki tarah, tan mein jeevan ki tarah
meri dharti mere mausam mere din raat the tum
jab nahin aaye the tum...
tab bhi mere saath the tum
dil mein dhadkan ki tarah, tan mein jeevan ki tarah
meri dharti mere mausam mere din raat the tum
jab nahin aaye the tum...
phool khilte the to aati thi tumhaari khushboo
har hasin shaam jagati thi tumhaara jadoo
aaine mein mere har din ki mulakaat the tum
dil mein dhadkan ki tarah, tan mein jeevan ki tarah
meri dharti mere mausam mere din raat the tum
jab nahin aaye the tum...
adhmundhi aankh mein sajta hua ek khwaab the tum
pehli barsaat mein bheega mahtaab the tum
hont mere the magar inki har ek baat the tum
dil mein dhadkan ki tarah, tan mein jeevan ki tarah
meri dharti mere mausam mere din raat the tum
jab nahin aaye the tum...
Monday, April 11, 2005
a small note
Hi Dear,
Its not often that you tell people how much they mean to you. But thats not right is it ? We don't need those special occasions, those crisis situations, those mid night calls to realize some people's significance in your life. But yes, life is sometimes too racy for your own good. Its too self absorbing and throws more things at you than you can probably grapple at one time. There are time I admit when you lose sight of things, even if they are closer to your heart than you can actually imagine.
You are one of those people in my lives. There are times when you need reminders, as much as i dislike to say that. Today it was an amalgamation of 2 things which just happened by chance. Reading 't'is tea-time folks' and almost at the same instant my real player picked up 'khamosh raat' in a random play :-)
It was a whirlwind of memories flashing before my eyes..Times of joy, times when new friends were made, times when as you said social bearing sent to wind, times when impromptu fun was the order of the day, times when having fun was a way of life, times of heartbreaks, times of stolen joys, times which brought people together for some reason, reasons which even today are beyond my realm of comprehension :-)
Looking back I can think of umpteen times when you probably needed someone but I was too busy. Too busy with work, too busy with hubby, too busy with other friends, too busy with about a hundred other things. For all this and more I apologize. I know you will probably never admit being lonely and needing a friend beside you. I know you like to pretend to be all in control an strong an all that jazz. But you know as well as I do that its all self preservation tactic. :-)
I know that you know deep down that you can just pick up the phone and call me day or night. But I also know that you will never do it. I know you will always think twice before asking me for my time now. I just want to tell you that the day I realize that i don't have time for you anymore is the day i give up on myself as a friend and i promise that will not happen!
As much as it pains to think that, we progress in life and we lose sight of so many things in life which are so important to us, there are things (thankgod for soft copies!) that gives us a small chance to regain/restore things. I am going to assume you don't mind me quoting something from 'tea time':
"You may pick up the phone, briefly wonder, and put the receiver down without calling: ‘She’s not alone anymore and may not be that eager to drop in to make Saturday lunch for us while I use the handy-cam on her’. We will soon prefer letting down ‘a fling of a wish’ in the interest of social stability.
Sometimes, I feel that it is not fair on the human mind to grapple with so much nostalgia. To handle so much pain. It is so much better to simply carry on without having to bother about the past. But what good is that, I wonder? What does it give us from life? Do we really long for simple peace and sanity or does the slightly-unpredictable excite us? Don’t we love the feeling of being swept off our feet into the clouds? An impulsive move that could take us places? It is for each one of us to decide, each one of us to figure what we really, truly want. For one must never forget – we only have one life to live.
But wherever life takes us hence, we all know that we have deliriously enjoyed these years which we have spent together. I am certain that deep in our hearts we will treasure these times for a long, long time - as times spent with friends and beyond, times where we discovered so much more of ourselves and life itself, times spent in togetherness and learning and love…
But they say that we should not put our arms around a memory and we must listen to them - we must move on."
Thanks KPB for everything you bring to my life just being there as one of my best-est friend :-)
Its not often that you tell people how much they mean to you. But thats not right is it ? We don't need those special occasions, those crisis situations, those mid night calls to realize some people's significance in your life. But yes, life is sometimes too racy for your own good. Its too self absorbing and throws more things at you than you can probably grapple at one time. There are time I admit when you lose sight of things, even if they are closer to your heart than you can actually imagine.
You are one of those people in my lives. There are times when you need reminders, as much as i dislike to say that. Today it was an amalgamation of 2 things which just happened by chance. Reading 't'is tea-time folks' and almost at the same instant my real player picked up 'khamosh raat' in a random play :-)
It was a whirlwind of memories flashing before my eyes..Times of joy, times when new friends were made, times when as you said social bearing sent to wind, times when impromptu fun was the order of the day, times when having fun was a way of life, times of heartbreaks, times of stolen joys, times which brought people together for some reason, reasons which even today are beyond my realm of comprehension :-)
Looking back I can think of umpteen times when you probably needed someone but I was too busy. Too busy with work, too busy with hubby, too busy with other friends, too busy with about a hundred other things. For all this and more I apologize. I know you will probably never admit being lonely and needing a friend beside you. I know you like to pretend to be all in control an strong an all that jazz. But you know as well as I do that its all self preservation tactic. :-)
I know that you know deep down that you can just pick up the phone and call me day or night. But I also know that you will never do it. I know you will always think twice before asking me for my time now. I just want to tell you that the day I realize that i don't have time for you anymore is the day i give up on myself as a friend and i promise that will not happen!
As much as it pains to think that, we progress in life and we lose sight of so many things in life which are so important to us, there are things (thankgod for soft copies!) that gives us a small chance to regain/restore things. I am going to assume you don't mind me quoting something from 'tea time':
"You may pick up the phone, briefly wonder, and put the receiver down without calling: ‘She’s not alone anymore and may not be that eager to drop in to make Saturday lunch for us while I use the handy-cam on her’. We will soon prefer letting down ‘a fling of a wish’ in the interest of social stability.
Sometimes, I feel that it is not fair on the human mind to grapple with so much nostalgia. To handle so much pain. It is so much better to simply carry on without having to bother about the past. But what good is that, I wonder? What does it give us from life? Do we really long for simple peace and sanity or does the slightly-unpredictable excite us? Don’t we love the feeling of being swept off our feet into the clouds? An impulsive move that could take us places? It is for each one of us to decide, each one of us to figure what we really, truly want. For one must never forget – we only have one life to live.
But wherever life takes us hence, we all know that we have deliriously enjoyed these years which we have spent together. I am certain that deep in our hearts we will treasure these times for a long, long time - as times spent with friends and beyond, times where we discovered so much more of ourselves and life itself, times spent in togetherness and learning and love…
But they say that we should not put our arms around a memory and we must listen to them - we must move on."
Thanks KPB for everything you bring to my life just being there as one of my best-est friend :-)
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
Thought for the day..
Thinking about patriotism today. Some will say its is an overrated thing and too much said about it already. I think somewhere the thought stemmed from listening to songs from 'Swades'.
I am not given to the patriotic debate about what should be and what shouldn't be. It is a very personal thing as far as I am concerned. No one but no one has the right to comment about your personal preference or choice to stay within or outside your country. Our lives take us places we probably don't even want to go and sometimes just sometimes, to places we want to. But thats a different matter altogether.
Everybody talks about how the country needs you and I sit and wonder how ? How really does the country need me? Does it really matter if one person out of x billion chooses to live outside of his/her country ? I guess not.!
I mean, with so many people, what percentage do you really contribute to? Do you personally make a difference to any socio-economic strata/factor of your country?
Nopes, I am still coming up with all negatives here.
There are also debates about working for MNC's. There are people within the country who choose to work for MNC's. In a way it works for the economy but really is that the only reason? Reasons range from better salaries, better lifestyle even better work culture. And all of that is true and you can't get away from it. When you have people making such choices within the country, can you even start about people who chose to live outside the country ?
There are people who went out for various reasons ranging from education, employment and what not. Chose to settle down there for various reasons again. Can you really question any of the those personal choices ? Read a few blogs about how much they miss their own country (when there are cricket matches and festivals going around..) and questioning themselves about whether they did a right thing.
Makes me wonder. Way back, I had made up my mind that there is no place like home. I am a very strongly rooted person and very close to my family. It is difficult for me to even imagine living in a diff city from family, forget country! Thankfully my husband shares my choice. After living in the states for 4 years, he had the option open of course, but like me he believes that home is where family is, where friends are, where people speak the same language as you, where people crowd outside even a small TV repair shop to watch a cricket match, where shopping still means going to this overcrowded and narrow street somewhere in the city, where familiarity means even your local store waala remembering that its time for your next 5 kg bag of rice, where chaos means in peak traffic your vehicle not moving an inch but that doesnt stop you from honking away to glory coz somewhere it gives u an innane sense of satisfaction, where festivals mean the whole street buzzing with activity and you don't need to got to any other place to feel the pulse-you just need to step out of your house...
I could go on and on.. maybe this is patriotism, maybe i am patriotic deep down. And its mostly because of a sense of belonging rather than all the high talk about contributing to the society.
Also having said that i revisit my earlier statement about my contribution to the socio-economic spehere. When i dig deep down, i realize that in some roundabout way I provide a portion of income to various people by just being there! You may wonder who.. well the doodh waala, paper waala, cable waala, departmental store waala, kaam waali bai, beauty parlor, tailor, auto waala and so on.... actually its a huge list and i have not even covered 1/3rd of it.
I think thats sufficient contribution to enough households.. :-)
So, am i justifying the cause? What cause? I don't think cause is what really counts here. I just chose to live where i do because plain and simple I Love it!!
ps: I understand that it is quite a sensitive topic and swear to god, not intended to spark any controversies or debate. Just some musing and of course very personal.. IMHO types :-)
I am not given to the patriotic debate about what should be and what shouldn't be. It is a very personal thing as far as I am concerned. No one but no one has the right to comment about your personal preference or choice to stay within or outside your country. Our lives take us places we probably don't even want to go and sometimes just sometimes, to places we want to. But thats a different matter altogether.
Everybody talks about how the country needs you and I sit and wonder how ? How really does the country need me? Does it really matter if one person out of x billion chooses to live outside of his/her country ? I guess not.!
I mean, with so many people, what percentage do you really contribute to? Do you personally make a difference to any socio-economic strata/factor of your country?
Nopes, I am still coming up with all negatives here.
There are also debates about working for MNC's. There are people within the country who choose to work for MNC's. In a way it works for the economy but really is that the only reason? Reasons range from better salaries, better lifestyle even better work culture. And all of that is true and you can't get away from it. When you have people making such choices within the country, can you even start about people who chose to live outside the country ?
There are people who went out for various reasons ranging from education, employment and what not. Chose to settle down there for various reasons again. Can you really question any of the those personal choices ? Read a few blogs about how much they miss their own country (when there are cricket matches and festivals going around..) and questioning themselves about whether they did a right thing.
Makes me wonder. Way back, I had made up my mind that there is no place like home. I am a very strongly rooted person and very close to my family. It is difficult for me to even imagine living in a diff city from family, forget country! Thankfully my husband shares my choice. After living in the states for 4 years, he had the option open of course, but like me he believes that home is where family is, where friends are, where people speak the same language as you, where people crowd outside even a small TV repair shop to watch a cricket match, where shopping still means going to this overcrowded and narrow street somewhere in the city, where familiarity means even your local store waala remembering that its time for your next 5 kg bag of rice, where chaos means in peak traffic your vehicle not moving an inch but that doesnt stop you from honking away to glory coz somewhere it gives u an innane sense of satisfaction, where festivals mean the whole street buzzing with activity and you don't need to got to any other place to feel the pulse-you just need to step out of your house...
I could go on and on.. maybe this is patriotism, maybe i am patriotic deep down. And its mostly because of a sense of belonging rather than all the high talk about contributing to the society.
Also having said that i revisit my earlier statement about my contribution to the socio-economic spehere. When i dig deep down, i realize that in some roundabout way I provide a portion of income to various people by just being there! You may wonder who.. well the doodh waala, paper waala, cable waala, departmental store waala, kaam waali bai, beauty parlor, tailor, auto waala and so on.... actually its a huge list and i have not even covered 1/3rd of it.
I think thats sufficient contribution to enough households.. :-)
So, am i justifying the cause? What cause? I don't think cause is what really counts here. I just chose to live where i do because plain and simple I Love it!!
ps: I understand that it is quite a sensitive topic and swear to god, not intended to spark any controversies or debate. Just some musing and of course very personal.. IMHO types :-)
Monday, April 04, 2005
Stupid or magnanimous
Hmmmppphh ! Weird comparison I know..
But right now it could be either of them...
I could really be stupid. (high probability my friend :p)
Or maybe I am just being the bigger person here and trying to have a decent conversation.
Wonder which..
Thats the whole catch 22 situation. You will never really find out till...hmm ok i am losing it.!
Not even worth writing about.. But then again why am i doing this ??
*scratch my head, ponder ponder
But right now it could be either of them...
I could really be stupid. (high probability my friend :p)
Or maybe I am just being the bigger person here and trying to have a decent conversation.
Wonder which..
Thats the whole catch 22 situation. You will never really find out till...hmm ok i am losing it.!
Not even worth writing about.. But then again why am i doing this ??
*scratch my head, ponder ponder
Sunday, April 03, 2005
Yippee doo
A perfect weekend ! I mean really perfect.. Everything was just right from the begining to the end. :-)
For all those panic attacks I was having and all that bad time over wednesday and so on, everything just blew away on friday and the skies cleared up for the most perfect weekend :-))
Ok Ok, stop gushing Rads !
But seriously I can't ...I can't even remember the last gooood weekend I had. I mean when you do everything you really wanted to do and things go exactly as planned..
hmmm. Maybe last year sometime was the last time I had a weekend like that. Can you imagine what a state my life should be in if the last perfect weekend or even an above average weekend was sometime last year ! Boy o boy !
Phew.. Anyways, I am glad I had such a good time. Hubby was down for a few days and since i was bloody buried in work, the weekend was all we had to see new places, spent some quality time and let me just say we did all that and more :-) (shushh u naughty people, thats not what i mean :p)
Started with sunny blue skies which I personally hadn't seen since the time I landed here ;-)
Improved with my resolution to not even switch on my laptop and making it amply clear to my team that I am not even going to check mails from Friday to Sunday.
Believe me it does you so much good to just do that :-)
Visited the pier which was just so glorious and sunny. A few places downtown and of course the famous Devon ave :-)
Had a great time..
Wonder why its become so difficult off late to take time off and just enjoy ...
For all those panic attacks I was having and all that bad time over wednesday and so on, everything just blew away on friday and the skies cleared up for the most perfect weekend :-))
Ok Ok, stop gushing Rads !
But seriously I can't ...I can't even remember the last gooood weekend I had. I mean when you do everything you really wanted to do and things go exactly as planned..
hmmm. Maybe last year sometime was the last time I had a weekend like that. Can you imagine what a state my life should be in if the last perfect weekend or even an above average weekend was sometime last year ! Boy o boy !
Phew.. Anyways, I am glad I had such a good time. Hubby was down for a few days and since i was bloody buried in work, the weekend was all we had to see new places, spent some quality time and let me just say we did all that and more :-) (shushh u naughty people, thats not what i mean :p)
Started with sunny blue skies which I personally hadn't seen since the time I landed here ;-)
Improved with my resolution to not even switch on my laptop and making it amply clear to my team that I am not even going to check mails from Friday to Sunday.
Believe me it does you so much good to just do that :-)
Visited the pier which was just so glorious and sunny. A few places downtown and of course the famous Devon ave :-)
Had a great time..
Wonder why its become so difficult off late to take time off and just enjoy ...
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