To fit or not to fit..

is the question..

Went to this Diwali party thrown by the company I work for.. Well, it was actually a party only for the Sales, Marketing an the rest of the biggies. Extended to moi graciously by this biz dev manager of mine.

Honestly I hadn't really been to a Diwali party in the states ever. The parties I have even got invited to earlier were the ones organized by these so called Indian cul societies or association or whatever you wanna call them.. People who know me better that I will not even touch these with a 10 ft pole!
So anyways since this was sounded different and of course the fact that I don't really have a life in NJ, I decided to give it a shot..
Knew exactly 2 people in that big hall that they had booked at this really jazzy restaurant (it was a really nice place!). Entered the premises riddled with skcepticism... What am i gonna do, who am i gonna talk to, who am I gonna hang around with, will I know anybody, will anybody know me blah blah blah..
This guy I knew was sweet enough to introduce me to his wife and made a quick exit (An I mean really quick, I am guessing that his wife did not know that the orange drink in his hand was not really orange juice:p)
So, here I am making small chat with the lady who has 2 children and is also surrounded by women watching their kids havin a fun time on the dance floor swayin to indi numbers :)

Small talk, chit chat and 15 mins later I realized I am bored out of my brains.. I needed a drink.. Went to tha bar and this indian bartended greeted me with - 'Good evening madam, would you like some juice? ' I gave him my patented- 'Are you for real' look and asked if they had some vodka. I could see the split second surprise and then he said-' Yes, we do, to make you feel really nice' !!!??@@!!!
I mean, hello !! Not only are you bored, feeling alone an dying for a drink, you get a wiseass creep bartender..
Breathe slowly Rads, count 1-10... breathe breathe..
Hmmppfff.. 5 mins later, outside and trying to call hubby on his cell so that I can kill 10 mins that way... Goes to his voice mail and I curse loud enough to have a few heads turn!

Go inside and am pleasantly surprised to see a variation in the crowd.. A few elegantly dressed ladies.. Quite headturners too I must say.. One was a wife of somebody and one was a girl friend I gathered, both in slinky sarees and strappy blouses.. Smiled to myself.. At least something interesting.. By then I am down half my drink and with lowered inhibitions, started walking up to groups of people and introducing myself..

I think it was a brilliant move except that i kept getting these remarks like - 'Do you work with us ? You look too young ? Is that what you do ? Wow, you look really young for your role! Are you here with somebody?'

I mean, what is it with people an perceptions ! Arrgghh,
But of course with a 2nd drink in my hand, I was able to ignore the comments or even retort cheekily to some :)

After about an hour or so I think i was mingling well with the crowd and had become an expert at polite conversations with the people depending on who they were, weather it was coddling an infant a lady had, weather it was the stock/share value, whether it was about new hindi movies, whether it was about the party places in and around.. I think it was a good experience and by the end of the evening I guess I was less apprehensive about fitting in..

I think fitting in is an overrated thing. Why do we hafta fit in, you don't have to really. That would actually mean you are trying to be somebody you are not, I could never be that gushing newly wed, the coddling mum, the preoccupied with my babies lady, the smart ballbreaker lady who was networking like it was part of breathing, the strappy blouse babe with champagne in one hand and flirting with the other hand, the I don't know what I am doing here in this corner variety. But I can, I swear I can walk up to each one of these people and talk their language. I did :)

Pearls of widom

Marry a guy who makes you laugh. Just that, should be the clinching factor for any relationship.

It doesn't matter if he doesn't sweep you off your feet, doesn't matter if your friends don't like him, doesn't matter if he can't whisper poetry or quote kafka. But if he can make you laugh or smile thru moments riddled with uncertainties and tension, moments when you just don't know what to do or how, you have a winner right there!

Thought for the day

You know you are truly missed when:

"You call a friend, get her voice mail instead and then when she gets it, she wonders o damn I missed the call and not o damn I wonder why she called"

Thank god for small mercies

Thinking about all the ways in which I find my life blessed (yes, I am doing that often now a days so that I don’t hafta start chewing my hair soon :p), I realize I have a lot to be thankful for.

Thank god for a childhood that was both different and a lesson in parenting. If not for that, I would probably not have a list of thing ‘not to do’ when I have my own kids ;). Kidding but more importantly, I know for sure what is important and what can be left out without traumatizing the kid!

Thank god for fair weather friends, without whom I would never have come up with this inner circle of people I have now. I would have gone ahead in life believing that life’s all about where we all go out, what we wear and what we do with spare time, as friends.

Thank god for all the men in my life, without whom I would be so lost in this otherwise screwed up world. I would never have realized what a boon it is to have guys as best friends! Guys rock! Especially all ones in my life :)

Thank god for the pain of heartbreak, without which I probably would not have realized what I give to any relationship. If not for that, I would never have known love in all its forms. I would never have seen the bigger picture. And more importantly, never would have recognized a good man when he came along!

Thank god for all the passion I seem to have for inane things in life, whether its making cocktails, whether its cooking, whether its shopping, making plans, going on trips with friends, playing a hostess, music, and much more.. If not for that passion, I would be so so shallow..

So… Thank you!

Eragon

Currently reading the above mentioned book by this author Christopher Paolini, who apparently wrote the book at the age of 15.

Its been interesting so far. Has shades of LOTR, HP and some other books based on magic and fantasy. I guess with that as a central theme , therez bound to be a similiarity!

Its a well written book about this young boy and his dragon. I personally feel that the author has based the central character on himself (don't ask me why, just think so..) Its not exactly rivetting but then again even LOTR was not.. I remember reading that book much before the movies came out, all 3 parts in one book mind you! It took a lot of deliberation and weeks to get thru that. Not that it was not interesting, the sheer writing was amazing and I loved every bit of the fantasy and the idea of this whole new world (or old world?) picture! I am a tolkien fan...

I had also ventuerd to read this other book by Jonathan Stroud which was again based on magic, The amulet of Samarkhand.. I think i derive some goulish pleasure in readin about magic an stuff, really!

So, anyways coming back to this new book, I think its a good read if you are really into the ancient lore, scrolls, magic, dragons etc etc.. Its fun, has all those proper ingredients for both children and adults..

All in all an interesting read :)

Related

New series on WB, apparently from the same team which came up with 2 of my other fav series, Friends and S and the City.. Saw 15 mins of it, its about 4 sisters in New York and their general life.. First impression was - 4 sisters !! Whoa! 2 sisters I thought were a little too much, can you imagine a house with 4 women plus say 1 for their mum (stepmum in this case) ? Not that they are all living together or anything, but imagine growing up in a house like that! Wow... Thats all that kept playing in my head...

Well, I guess i got sidetracked by that thought which overtook that critique who was supposedly figuring out if this series was worth pursuing (I pursue all good TV shows with zest huhahaha) But I did catch the general drift of the show which was all about bonding, adjusting and a big pinch of New York thrown in.. Well, in a nutshell, a total chick flick (or is it a chick show ? hmmm)

Anyways, got me thinking of bonding in real life which made me realize something. The actual number of people I can actually relate to now a days is such a dwindling number! Its actually amazing.. Well.. maybe not that surprising given how even number of friends I have, has become such a dwindling number :p

But its amazing, really because thru this quirky life of mine, I feel i am dropping more people than gathering. You know what I mean, you start out in school and collect people, like friends.. Then you make some new ones, old ones get forgotten, then you drop some you don't want to be friends with anymore.. Then there are some you start as being friends with but then you kinda demote them to just people you know and then of course works the other way too, but thats a totally different issue altohether..(and i digress as usual)

But seriously, as you grow older, this kitty you have shrinks and shrinks.. Plus you know how we evolve even on a daily basis.. What you thought 5 years ago was totally cool is not even thinkable now, what you are even doing today was so not done 2 years ago, you get the drift ? So basically, what I am saying is that there were always this set of people who were growing with you so that makes it easier growing old knowing that this person if not today but tomm will/may feel the same.. But imagine you don't have that comfort factor at all? I mean, how many people off hand would you say you will meet who are at exactly the same place or at least similiar who feel the same things you do ??

Its actually a scary thought! I mean, what if I wake up tomm and find that I have friends so to speak but nobody I can actually relate to !!?? Whoa! Thats huge, I am not even sure what I will do then.. What do you do ? Do you really assume that the person or people you relate to today will exist in your life tomm ? Or that you will somewhere somehow find people you can relate to?
I don't know, thats quite presumptious I would say..

ha ha ha

Fighting with this friend today who accused me of being too choosy about my social life.. He said i am too biased in choosing people to associate with or even be seen with. Well, I wouldn't really say associate coz whether you like some people or not, you hafta deal with them day in an out. Just grin an bear types, hmm rather gulp and bear types :p
Anyways, but when it comes to people i chose to be friendly with or socialize with, I do think he's right. I am quite quite choosy. I do not easily mingle, till about a few years ago, I was even considered sorta anti-social :p
But I don't think its a question of being biased at all, its just being selective..There are people who filter their close associations based on their interactions with them or maybe even just based on how the other person is. I think I go a step further. I really believe that I have this radar in me which tells me if I can get along with this person even as earlier as when I see somebody.. Its crazy I know.. and admit, its not 100% foolproof also..God only knows how many people i have parted ways with despite them being frnds or whatever.
But point remains that it because I can gauge somebody as soon as I see them, that I can so confidently choose not to associate with them. I mean, if I am not gonna get along with this person, not relate to, why bother! Life's too short for that!..

ps: Apologize for the abundant snobbery (if thats even a word, its noun for being snobbish;) ), vot to do, we are like thiss only pliss!

Age

Growing up takes u thru vague turns in life you may not have expected to see otherwise..
It has done that for me.. Shown me sides of me I never knew existed, brought me down to my knees in humility when i didnt think it was possible, made me realize things I would have taken for granted otherwise..

Its almost weird but if I had to filter out to exactly point out things age has taught me or rather inculcated in my personality, it would be:

1. Have learnt to be indifferent about certain things that really don't matter as I may think they do - Have learnt this the hard way, we spend too much time and energy concentrating on things that don't need that kind of attention. Could even be people who don't need that kind of attention. Its difficult to sometime draw that line and say - no, this is not worth it. But I think I am learning to do that.. Its probably too cold a technique but believe me its worth it.

2. Learnt to put myself into the other person's shoes before even putting thoughts into words.. Pause, reflect and then speak.. Its not as easy as it may sound.. We are all too judgemental no matter how you take it.. And I know now that its almost a stiched part of our human fabric, but I also have born the brunt of it. So I consciously try to place myself as the the other person before saying anything. Don't succeeed always but hey, worth a shot! Of course there will always be situations you cannot fathom for the love of life, situations you cannot relate to, stand back and just admit that. Give the person the benefit of doubt and just be there..

3. Weird as it may sound, but I think with age I have become more emotional now more than ever. Looking back 3-5-7 years ago, I see a different person from what I am currently.. That person was a lot stronger emotionally. Maybe indifference had a lot to do with it, was quite self involved. This one's high strung and quite fragile emotionally. Maybe its just the course of your life which decides that or makes you that way.. I wish it wasn;t like that tho', am not sure how to do anything about this. There is a lot more of insecurity that I see and do not like it at all. But working on it, who knows, maybe tomm will be different..