Mal-adjusted

Hokay! For people wondering what happened to me after that -oh, I am so adjusting, blog! T'is not about that :p

Ever felt you are such a misfit and maybe you were born for a different life ? There are times in my otherwise mundane life that I let such thoughts drift thru my head.. (ya, cooky I know! :p)

Maybe its a case of grass is greener on the other side syndrome. But honestly speaking, I think it runs deeper in my case.. Its not just about how my life could have been kinda ruminations but my life should have been like this kinda stream of thought.. Comprehendo ? Na ?
Ok, Lemme break it apart and explain maadi....

Here I was, a simple girl (ok maybe not sooo simple), in IT working on a particularly (so called) important project. Am more or less conventional in my ways and completely aware of what I am and what I am totally not capable of.
Since afternoon today, I have had this horrible feeling of having taken up something I am not capable of doing. (believe me, that does not happen very often. I am quite manipulative enough to get what I want and I am inclined towards things that I know for sure I am good at..) So, it starts with this sinkin feeling that I have bit more than I can chew and there is just too much pressure.
It goes on a self evaluation mode where I am thinking of long and short term objectives and how if not now, 2 years down the line I would have to (or at least be expected to) take up certain responsibilities professionally.

But.... (ok, here's the catch).... instead of continuing the sane and matured train or thought, i am sidelined by the cooky side of me, which by all means confuses me like hell!

I start thinking about whether I am really doing what I want to be doing. Whether any of this is worth it and helps me go where I want to go. Ok that brings me to the million dollar question, where do I want to go ?

There's this line that I read a few years back and it keeps playing in my head like a daemon process (:p)- If you don't have a destination in mind, you can take anywhich road you want (or some such thing but thats the gist of it)

So, with that background, if I don't know where I wanted to go, am I goin this way because I just landed there or is there still a chance to span out, explore ?

Interesting isn't it! To add to my woes, the quirky side of me then takes over and does a RCA (root cause analysis) and says that you were so not meant for this life! Thats it!

Maybe, I should have been a painter, a wandering artist or I dunno, this wild thing in a flowing skirt! Thats what I realy see myself as you know, if I had to paint a mental picture of myself, thats what it would be.. In a black top and multicolored gypsy skit with a flower in my hair behind my ears (:p), maybe playing a guitar, in some place which very closely resembles a beach shack..

Amazing isn't it!